Stealth Goes Wrong
by ryokablade
Summary: After a Menos Grande attack, Omaeda is put out of commission. Who will replace the Second Division's lieutenant? The one and only Hanatarou Yamada! Question is, how will Soifon react to this rather large change of lieutenants?
1. The Replacement

"Marechiyo Omaeda, Second Division's lieutenant, is out of commission. We will need someone to replace him." said Captain Yamamoto.

"It's not like he made much of a difference anyways," muttered one of the captains.

"Let that idiot die," replied Soi Fon apathetically. "My division is better off without him."

"My, aren't you being a bit harsh?" asked Ukitake curiously.

"He might get lucky and die in some corner." snapped Soi Fon.

"Actually...." said Unohana, speaking up, "I have someone in my squad who I think this will be good."

"I don't need someone who you think 'is' good," said Soi Fon calmly, trying to show respect to her senior, though she really didn't want a replacement. "that idiot bungled everything."

"No....but the person who I have in mind...the experience will be good for him, and he will certainly become stronger in your division, Soi Fon-taichou. He will be a valuable asset once trained. After all, this is only until Omaeda recuperates."

The Head Captain nodded approvingly. "Who is the person from your squad that you want to nominate?"

"Wait, but isn't the Fourth Division too wimpy for the Second Squad?" butted in Zaraki. Captain Hitsugaya elbowed Kenpachi slightly, but Kenpachi didn't even glance at him. "I mean honestly, Squad Four is...." Zaraki was cut off by a cold smile from Unohana.

"Oh, but this person has worked with one of the people from the Research and Development Department. His mission was successful. Furthermore, he has assisted Kurosaki Ichigo and he is merely a temporary replacement."

"Very well. Who is it?"

No one was prepared. Certainly no one knew the name when Unohana said it, but it was the seat that shocked them all.

Unohana smiled sweetly, as all eyes landed on her.

"Seventh Seat Yamada Hanataro."

"A seventh seat?!"

But before anyone could raise more protests, an ominous cloud filled the room, particularly around Unohana.

"Does anyone have any objections to make?" she asked, still smiling, though her smile did not meet her flashing eyes.

Silence filled the room.

"Still scary as ever, I see..." mumbled Kyoraku.

"Did you say something?" asked Unohana sweetly. But her words seemed to chill the room.

"Nothing," said Kyoraku hurriedly.

"Excellent," smiled Unohana returning to a peaceful smile as if nothing had happened. "I shall inform him. Is the meeting adjourned, Captain Commander?"

"Yes." he replied steadily. "Unohana-taichou, I hope you know what you are doing."

"Don't worry," she smiled. "I do."

* * *

**Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach, if we did, Orihime would stop saying, "Kurosaki-kun" so many times!!!**


	2. Hanatarou: Soifon's Headache

"R-really?! Y-You chose me as a temporary replacement?! W-w-w-w-why?" stuttered Hanatarou, surprised.

Unohana smiled. "You'll do fine, Yamada. Don't you agree, Isane?"

"Y-yes!" said Isane. Truthfully, she thought that the small boy could be anything but a lieutenant, but she wasn't going to say anything that disagreed with her superior.

"Taichou!" butted in the third seat, Yasochika. "Our....seventh seat has been promoted to _lieutenant_?! Of the _Second Division_?!"

"Hanatarou is capable of performing the duties of a lieutenant, third seat."

"Well..." trailed off Isane. "You have to admit, Omaeda fukutaichou didn't do too much either...."

That was a good point that Yasochika reluctantly agreed with, but he did feel admittedly jealous.

"But look at him!" he snapped, pointing accusingly at the bowing Hanatarou. "Taichou, can he even use shunpo?"

"Can you, Yamada Hanatarou?" asked Retsu.

"N-no, I haven't mastered it yet....but I'll do my best as lieutenant!"

"That's good enough for me!" smiled Unohana. "Yamada Hanatarou is a resourceful and kind person."

"Taichou! This is the Stealth Force! The Secret Mobile Corps! He trips over his own feet!" Yasochika said, trying not to lose his temper. "He..he...he'll be nothing but..."

"Yes?" Unohana smiled sweetly at the third seat."Then Hanatarou will have to learn. Won't you?"

"Y-yes, Unohana-taichou."

"Don't worry, it's only temporary. You'll be back within your own squad in no time!" smiled Unohana. "you'll be going over to the Second Squad's barracks tomorrow morning to meet Soi Fon."

"Uhh, Unohana-taichou....is..the Second Squad's captain nice?" asked Hanatarou anxiously. Isane felt a few waves of pity for the small seventh seat.

"She has a kind heart! She's extremely gentle and thoughtful!" smiled Unohana cheerfully. A sweat drop formed on Isane, wondering just how Unohana could believe that everyone was a good person.

"Tai...chou..."

* * *

Hanatarou stared with some fear at the entrance of his new barracks, the one where he would be reporting to. He gulped, wondering if he could still back out.

Cautiously he entered, hoping that he wouldn't make a fool of himself. He made a mental check of his belongings. Hisagomaru was with him, as well as his other medical supplies. Hisagomaru was crucial to doing well at his temporary job.

"Um....let's see....they said the Captain's office is straight ahead....."

Soi Fon was waiting impatiently to greet her new lieutenant, when the door opened and a small boy peered through.

"Uh, excuse me, you're...you're Soifon Taichou right?" he asked timidly.

"Who are you?" she snapped, in no mood for niceties.

"I'm...Yamada Hanatarou. I'm...supposed to meet the Captain of the Second Division, because I....I'm the temporary replacement for the lieutenant," he said shyly.

Soi Fon slammed her hand down on the desk, nearly breaking it. Was Unohana intending a joke?! The weak, pathetic boy standing in front of her was an insult to her pride. Surely this boy had not been sent to replace Omaeda. Then again, Omaeda was also ridiculously weak.

"You are the replacement lieutenant?" she asked coldly.

He jumped, staring in fear at the dent in the desk. "Y-yes," he stuttered.

"Are you sure, 100% sure that **you **are Omaeda's replacement?" Soifon raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Y-yes, really, uh, taichou, Unohana taichou really did send me!" Hanatarou said earnestly, trying not to cower. "Any-any ways, it'll just be before the vice captain recovers! I-I'm sure that he'll be better in no time!"

Kuso! Soi Fon was unlucky with her vice captains. She stared him down intimidatingly.

"Boy, can you use hand to hand combat?"

"N-no, Taichou!"

"What does your zanpakto do?"

"It...It heals people....."

Soi Fon had no need of a shinigami whose sword could not wound.

"What can you do besides healing?"

Soi Fon watched as the boy floundered for an answer. Finally he gave up, and staring at the floor, he mumbled his answer.

"Nothing, Taichou."

"Not even shunpo?" she asked depreciatingly.

"No, Taichou."

"So what," she asked icily, "are you doing here in the Second Division's office, claiming to be on par with a lieutenant?"

Hanatarou trembled under his superior's glare. "I swear, Unohana-taichou told me to come here!"

"Tell her I do not need a replacement lieutenant."

"B-b-but, I'll do my best! I may not be very good at a lot of things, but I'll definitely work hard!"

Soi Fon groaned internally. She would deal with the brat later.

"Fine. Finish the rest of the paperwork."

"H-Hai, Taichou!"

_Well, at least he's obedient...._ thought Soi Fon tiredly as her new vice-captain proceeded to fill out the rest of the paperwork lying on her desk.

* * *

Author's Note: Poor Hanatarou. He's in the stealth force now, but "stealth" isn't really his thing... (remembers falling pots and pans)

Preview: "YAMADA!! SEND THIS LETTER TO THE SO-TAICHOU!"

"Y-Y-Yes, sir! I mean, Ma'am!" Hanatarou rushed forward, holding a large box of kunai that he had just finished polishing. He ran to take the manila envelope, but he sprawled in his haste to take it and ran headfirst into Soi Fon...


	3. Gullible Meets Obsession

"YAMADA!" bellowed Soi Fon wearily, rubbing her aching head.

"H-H-Hai Soifon-taichou!" stuttered Hanatarou, stumbling over his own two feet in his haste to get to Soifon before executing a clumsy bow.

Soifon scowled at the awkward lieutenant.

"We've been seeing more Menos along the outskirts of Seireitei. We don't need anymore casualties, like Omaeda. Be on your guard, and report to me if you've seen anything suspicious," she said, annoyed. As much as she disliked her obviously naïve lieutenant, he didn't argue back or try to procrastinate on his work and brag, unlike a certain comatose Omaeda, who had shown no signs of waking up any time soon. Not that it really mattered. Soifon ran her division quickly and efficiently, with or without a vice captain.

"H-hai, taichou," smiled Hanatarou, relieved that she hadn't reprimanded him for his awkward entrance.

"And always be ready," sighed Soifon. Yamada couldn't be trusted to hold his own in a fight, if one came up.

"O-ok," stuttered Hanatarou, before digging around in his medical supplies, before withdrawing a pill.

"What is that?" asked Soifon suspiciously. The pill was bright yellow, and emblazoned with a red skull.

_Is he trying to kill himself?_ Soifon thought to herself, though that really didn't make much sense.

"It's an energy pill," explained Hanatarou. "these are given to all 4th squad members so that if they're fatigued, they can still work. I've...I've been rather tired these last few days, taichou, so I decided to take one."

"Oh....really?" asked Soifon suspiciously, with a bit of a sweat drop behind her.

"Yes!"

"There's...a skull drawn on it. Are you sure...it's not a fake?"

"Well, take one pill...and..." Hanatarou popped the pill into his mouth.

Soifon waited. Hanatarou's expression did not change.

"Okay, I'm good to go then, taichou," said Hantarou, getting up.

"Wait!" barked Soifon. "Nothing even happened!"

"What are you talking about?" Hantarou asked cluelessly. "Aren't I bursting with energy?"

"No....you're still the same from a minute ago," muttered Soifon, her eye twitching.

"No, really! Try one. You'll feel much more energetic!" said Hantarou, though his enthusiasm was still lacking even after taking the pill.

Soifon raised an eyebrow, before accepting the pill.

_Just what am I doing?_ She thought, before she swallowed it.

_I taste flour......_

"Well? Don't you feel much more pumped up?" asked Hanatarou, not realizing that most shinigami did not describe Soifon as 'pumped up.'

"It's a fake," she said bluntly.

"No its not!"

_Does he realize it was a hoax? How gullible...._

"Don't waste your time with those. You should be concentrating on your work."

"Oh, right! I-I'm sorry, taichou!" he said, going back to stuttering. Soifon merely rolled her eyes, and with a swish of her cloak flash stepped away.

* * *

Soifon stared at the envelope she now held in her hands, just delivered to her hand from the Secret Mobile Corps. Crucial information about the Menos attacks needed to be delivered to the So-taichou. Now. All of her division were out gathering more data, and still there were more tasks for them to complete. Which left...

"YAMADA! SEND THIS LETTER TO THE SO-TAICHOU!"

"Y-Y-yes sir! I mean, Ma'am!" Hanatarou ran forward, holding a large box of kunai that he had just finished polishing. He ran to take the manila envelope, but he sprawled in his haste to take it and ran headfirst into Soifon, knocking her over. It was too bad she'd been standing at the top of the stairs to her office....and the stairs went pretty far down....

Caught off guard, Soifon and Hanatarou fell down the hard concrete steps, landing in an undignified heap at the bottom. Hantarou, fortunately, was holding the envelope, though he was sitting on top of Soifon.

"Ow ow ow!" shrieked Hanatarou, before he realized who he was sitting on.

"AHH!!! I'M SORRY TAICHOU!!" he wailed, bowing furiously as Soifon tried to regain her pride from being knocked over by a klutzy Vice Captain. Even Omaeda hadn't humiliated her that much...

"YAMADA HANATAROU!!" she bellowed, her hands itching to reach for her zanpakto.

"Yeep! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry-"

"JUST GET OUT OF MY SIGHT AND SEND THAT TO THE SO-TAICHOU!"

"H-hai! I'm so sorry! I'll be more careful!" yelped Hanatarou before running off with the envelope.

Soifon gritted her teeth. Thank god no one had seen that. She really wanted to destroy something now....

Suddenly a Secret Mobile Corps member appeared in front of her. She tried to hide her irritation.

"What?" she snapped.

"We have another delivery to make."

He handed her another envelope, before disappearing.

Soifon viciously tore the envelope, but her bad mood instantly disappeared. She immediately began to shuffle through the contents eagerly.

"Yoruichi-sama, you're so dignified!" sighed Soifon, a blush making its way to her cheeks.

Yes, it was more pictures of Yoruichi taken in the real world....

"A-a-ah, Taichou..."

Instantly she stuffed the photos back into the envelope, her blush disappearing as she prepared to beat up the intruder. Soifon only saw the very out of breath Hanatarou however, panting hard.

"I...delivered the letter...do you...want me to deliver the other one too?"

"No!" growled Soifon forcefully, quickly hiding the envelope behind her back. "Go back to what you were doing before!"

_Yes, I still need to finish looking at the rest of the pictures...._

"H-Hai! Uh...I'm really sorry about earlier, Taichou...."

"Never mind," smiled Soifon, her mood much happier after seeing those pictures of Yoruichi.

Hanatarou smiled nervously, wondering just what was in that envelope that Soifon was so happy about, and wondering if she normally had these sort of mood swings.

**Author's note: yeah....sorry, I didn't really know how to end it. Oh well, I finally updated! Thanks for the reviews, everyone! Oh, and by the way, there will be some fighting next chapter! Go Hisagomaru!**


	4. Potential

Author's note: I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!

"YAMADA!" growled Soifon wearily for the umpteenth time. She was getting tired of yelling his name, and her voice was hoarse from ordering him around. God, he was useless! He had no backbone, really. She watched him, face palming as he stumbled on a tree root.

"Ow! Oh, Taichou, there's another delivery."

She almost smiled despite herself as she accepted another envelope. It was one she knew was full of Yoruichi pictures.

Perhaps he wasn't as useless as she had thought.

It was a fairly peaceful day for Soifon, but she never really expected peace for long in Seireitei. Sooner or later, whether it was Mayuri searching for new test subjects, Kyoraku passed out drunk on the side walk, or the eleventh squad spoiling for a fight, something usually ended up with a couple buildings blown up and people getting injured.

Soifon turned her attention to the weaponry Hanatarou had at last finished polishing. She shielded her eyes from the bright glow as she opened the box. Quite honestly, she figured that whoever they used it on would go blind first before dying. Well, in any case that made her job easier. At least he tried harder than Omaeda. Much harder.

"Hn. Good job."

Hanatarou positively beamed. Soifon hid a sweat drop.

"Thank you, Taichou!"

* * *

It was later that day when Hanatarou was sweeping the streets when he suddenly felt an ominous feeling prickle his neck. It was one he knew too well, and with a gulp he turned slowly.

There stood two eleventh squad members, gripping bottles of sake with dangerous grins.

"FOURTH SQUARD MEMBER!" they bellowed drunkenly, advancing. Hanatarou let out a small meep of fright.

"Y-yes?!" he blurted, forgetting he was a higher rank than them.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY, WEAKLING?!" they growled threateningly. Hanatarou didn't fully understand what they had said exactly, because several words were slurred, but the meaning was clear enough that they wanted to hurt him.

"A-ah, ah, I'm sorry!" Hanatarou wailed, bowing several times in succession. The eleventh squad members snarled, kicking him.

"Oy, come on, he's pathetic!" sneered one of them, cracking his knuckles. Both of them began a wind up, as Hanatarou braced himself for the beating to come.

Hanatarou cowered, until he thought of an idea before they drew back their fists.

_Wait a second! Unohana-taichou gave me more of that Shinten! Besides, Soifon-taichou told me to never let anyone put me down!_

Hanatarou flung out the green liquid. The anesthetic squirted out onto the two, who were immediately confused.

"Huh?" they asked stupidly, stopping in their tracks.

Hanatarou watched as they instantly passed out. He sighed in relief, but he said sorry anyways, even though they had been antagonizing him.

"OY, BRAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Hiyyeee! There's more of them!"

Hanatarou sped down the street, a mob of eleventh squad members in hot pursuit.

Hanatarou panted, but he kept sprinting, not caring where he was going.

Bad mistake.

BANG!

Hanatarou toppled over.

"What, may I ask, are you doing?" said an icy tone. Hantarou immediately recognized the voice.

"A-ah! Soifon-taichou! I-I-I-I'm sorry!"

"I didn't ask you," she said coldly, irritation seeping into her features. "I was addressing _them_."

She jerked her head in the direction of the eleventh squad members.

"S-Soifon-taichou!" blurted one of them. "It's a Captain!"

"What?" she snapped, annoyed by their stupidity. "And just why, were you chasing him?"

"T-that fourth squad brat knocked out two of our own!"

Soifon raised a thin eyebrow.

"Him?"

They began gaining courage.

"That's right, Captain."

"I see. However, that brat happens to be my lieutenant,"

They gaped.

"HIM?!"

"Incidentally, yes." drawled Soifon. "So I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop harassing him."

Perhaps they might have backed down, if it hadn't been for one particularly thick-skinned shinigami among the mob. He stepped up, lips curled in a sneer.

"Huh, that pitiful weakling? It looks like the Second Squad's standards have lowered."

Faster than the eye could see, the man was instantly knocked to the ground, clutching a bruised face. Soifon stood behind the sprawled shinigami, cool and collected.

"You dare insult the Secret Mobile Corps and the Second Division?" she asked coldly. Everyone stared, agape at the scene.

However, before this could get anymore out of hand......well, it got even more out of hand.

The wall behind them cracked into dust and splinters, as it exploded and wood pieces rained down.

Soifon's eyes widened in shock.

Menos Grande! But how did they get into Seireitei?!

Soifon wasted no time in drawing her sword, and leaping up to attack the first gillian that rose from the cloud of dust. Right behind her, she could hear the ugly screams of the eleventh squad members leaping in to attack in an unseemly rabble. Fools! Did no one in the eleventh squad know what stealth was?!

Hantarou crouched down on the ground, coughing hard into the wreckage.

"Ah-ah, what happened??" he groaned, before staring up into the sky in shock.

A writhing mass of gillians towered above him, and he could see the fighting up in the sky, and clash of cero and zanpakuto resounded.

"Menos Gran- Ahh!" he screamed in some surprise as the body of an unconscious eleventh squad member crashed down onto the ground, nearly hitting him.

"Oh wait, I'm part of the second squad...so I my job isn't just to heal him!" gabbled Hantarou, feeling frantic as he reached for his half-filled zanpakuto. He grabbed it, and slashed the eleventh squad member. The eleventh squad member's wounds healed and the bright red gauge on Hisagomaru filled up. Hanatarou looked for the nearest gillian, and instantly swung his sword.

"Akeiro Hisagomaru!" shouted Hanatarou, swinging his sword.

The bright beam slashed downward onto the menos. If Hantarou had aimed a little better, the menos would have been sliced clean in half like a melon, but it was enough to damage the menos almost fatally.

Soifon stopped in mid attack as she saw a bright red light erupt from the ground and crash into the menos she had been about to assault. She watched in surprise as she realized it had been her lieutenant who had almost killed the menos.

She had to admit he was better than she had initially thought.

_He does has some potential....so after this is all over, I'll train him. _She thought, finishing off the menos.

* * *

Author's note: Sorry that this isn't really funny, and has a more serious tone, but I was rushing. But hey, can you imagine Hantarou being trained by Soifon? She's going to get a migraine....

Preview: "Yamada, that's not how you do flashstep," drawled Soifon, watching him pick himself up with several bumps on his head.

"I-I'm sorry Taichou! I'll try again!"

Bam! Even Soifon had to wince as her lieutenant attempted shunpo and ended up smashing into a tree head-on.

_Thank god it wasn't a coconut tree,_ Soifon thought, though the mental image of coconuts dropping on his head was one that she wasn't sure was funny or was one she should forget out immediately.


	5. Flash Step into Death

It had been about two weeks after the menos attack, and reconstruction was complete. Soifon had completed her duties, though she sent out Secret Mobile Corps everyday. Yet her patrols found nothing related to the menos attacks.

Soifon had little time now, but she knew at some point she was going to have to train her lieutenant to fight properly. However, said lieutenant was currently running up and down delivering messages, though one patrol scouting for information informed her that he had nearly lost the letters in Byakuya's pond. How he got over the walls was a mystery, but he had managed to recover them and deliver them to their respective recipients.

Closing her eyes, Soifon internally groaned a sudden loud sound nearly rattled her, and she could hear the loud crashing and banging into walls and floors.

_I wonder who that would be...._thought Soifon sardonically as her lieutenant skidded around the corner and landed in an untidy heap at her feet.

"Taichou! I've delivered the letters!" Hanatarou gasped breathlessly.

Soifon rolled her eyes. There was no point in having a second lousy lieutenant, so she supposed that she would get started on training him.

"Yamada, follow me," she stated flatly, walking away. Hantarou followed, after brushing himself off and running after her, perplexed.

She led him to the training ground for the Second Squad, and she stood facing him.

"Yamada, so you can't do flash step?"

"N-no, taichou...."

She frowned slightly, but then again, this was why she was trainig him.

"From now, I will be training you, and if you don't work hard......" her eyes flashed threateningly, and Hanatarou quailed.

"I-I will work very hard, taichou!" he stuttered.

"Good. I hope you have the capability," she replied, and thus began the training sessions of shunpo.

* * *

"Yamada, that's not how you do flash step," drawled Soifon, watching him pick himself up with several bumps on his head.

"I-I'm sorry Taichou! I'll try again!"

Bam! Even Soifon had to wince as her lieutenant attempted shunpo and ended up smashing into a tree head-on.

Thank god it wasn't a coconut tree, Soifon thought, though the mental image of coconuts dropping on his head was one that she wasn't sure was funny or was one she should forget immediately.

Soifon was shaken out of her thoughts as several trees scattered around the training grounds shook, losing several leaves. Hanatarou had just smashed into all of them in rapid succession, and he sat on the ground, moaning as he massaged the bumps on his head that were all piled up on each other.

"I told you Yamada...you have to focus your reiatsu," repeated Soifon, ignoring his injuries as he picked himself up.

"H-Hai taichou!"

Bang! This time Soifon was sprawled on the ground, as an extremely embarrassed Hanatarou rolled off her, a waterfall of apologies spewing from his mouth.

"YAMADA!" shouted Soifon, picking herself up in a storm, feeling her pride had been knocked down from being bashed by Hanatarou. "You aren't controlling where you're going!"

"I-I'm sorry!" squeaked her lieutenant, and in the next second, he blasted into another hard object.

Well, actually, it was another captain.

"U-U-Unohana-taichou!" half wailed Hantarou. "I'M SO SORRY!"

Soifon massaged her temples, twitching slightly at Hantarou's incapability to master shunpo.

Unohana smiled down at Hanatarou.

"Are you all right, Hanatarou?"

"Y-Yes, taichou!"

She smiled kindly. "Please don't push yourself too hard, Yamada. It's good to see that you are doing so well in your new squad."

"Ah...uh, thank you," said Hanatarou, flustered. "um, I'm really sorry....."

"It's all right. Just be careful," Unohana smiled brightly, before walking away.

Soifon scowled at the interruption. "Are you finished lagging around Yamada, or are you ready?"

Hanatarou snapped back to attention. "H-hai! I'll start again!"

He began, and each time he crashed Soifon's head hurt. She twitched, as her headache grew larger.

Until a particularly loud smack reverbrated in her ears.

"AHHH I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!"

Soifon's attention immediately grew towards the new person. Her scowl deepened.

"Oi brat, what are you doing?"

Hantarou stared at the captain standing before him, towering and blocking the sun.

"K-Kenpachi taichou!"

He smirked. "Are you fighting?"

"Erm, well....of course n-"

"He is," butted in Soifon, an idea growing in her head.

A maniacal grin twisted on Kenpachi's face, and he instantly drew his sword.

"Great! Let's fight to the death!"

"Hiyeee! Soifon-taichou what are you-"

"The rules are simple," smirked Soifon. "All you have to do is flash step around him, and you won't get killed."

"B-but Soifo- yeep!" Hanatarou dodged a sudden swing.

"Less chitchat already!" boomed Kenpachi. "Let's get started!"

"Hiyyeee!"

Soifon stepped back to watch the scene. She'd intervene if things got too out of hand, but Hanatarou did need a...push to get him started on the right track. And who better than the captain of the eleventh division?

* * *

Author's note: Hmm....this is an okay chapter. Don't worry, Hanatarou will survive, lol. But a fight to the death with Zaraki would be a good start to make him learn shunpo fast....XD Anyhow, there's more time to update next week! Yay!


	6. Wild Death Chase

Stealth Goes Wrong

Chapter 6

**Author's Note: A little reminder that there will be one or two more chapters coming up for the next one or two days...ENJOY!!!!**

Hanatarou panted.

"W-where did he go....HIYEEE!!!!"

Hanatarou sped off down the narrow alley, screaming in sheer terror as the narrow walls exploded.

"MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!"

Kenpachi laughed maniacally as he chased the poor lieutenant.

This had been happening for the past one hour, and already they were nearing Rukongai.

"HELP! OW! No! AH, I'M SORRY!!!" he screamed, crashing into a street vendor in mid shunpo.

It wasn't that he couldn't do flash step, in fact, he had very quickly mastered it in that one hour...he just couldn't control where he wanted to go.

He sobbed and whimpered, he needed help, and bad..."U-U-UNOHANA TAICHOU!!!!" Hanataro pivoted his feet and went sprinting back toward the Seireitei screaming. He turned his head back and saw that Kenpachi was gaining, "A-Ah!!! I-U better start using shunpo!!!"

Hanatarou gathered his energy and tried using shunpo...

He apparently flash stepped into a watermelon stand and into a familiar person..

"WATCH IT!!!" Toushiro Hitsugaya dropped the watermelons he was buying and they would have cracked in half...but the next thing he saw was a blur and a jingling and the watermelon was sliced into perfection...

"What the hell is..."

"HAHAHAH!!!"  
"Ah!!!" Toushiro also took off carrying a plate of sliced watermelons and ran next to Hanatarou, eating as he talked, "What are you doing lieutenant?"

"M-my greatest apologies!!!"

Toushiro raised an eyebrow, easily keeping pace with Hanatarou. "You didn't answer my..."

Suddenly, Hanataro screamed and shunpo-ed into a pillar, and then burst off ahead.

"..." Toushiro made a face, chewing on his watermelons until he heard, "MUHAHAHAHA!!!! JOIN THE BATTLE TO THE DEATH!!!!!" Toushiro gagged and spit out the watermelon seeds like a machine gun; He turned and saw...Kenpachi...

His jaw dropped and he called ahead to Hanatarou, "Uh...may I join you?"

Toushiro's eyes widened and he shunpo-ed next to Hanataro...

"Over there!!!" Toushiro and Hanataro heard voices and turned. They saw a group of squad 11 members pointing and shouting, and then joining the chase.

"AHHH!!!" This time both shinigami screamed.

"Uh...I just remembered that I have some paper work to..."

"TAICHO!!!" Rangiku pounced in the air and gave him a bear hug, "Taicho!!! What are you doing on this fine...day???" Rangiku turned and saw the horde of squad 11 members rampaging behind them.

"What??"

"RUN!!!"

"Why, taicho..."

"Wait; aren't you supposed to be doing paper work?"

"Oh, actually I was hanging with Hisagi and...I mean, sure...."

"MATSUMOTO!!!!"

"But YOU'RE playing tag with these guys..."

"MATSUMOTO!!! DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M..."

"AHHHH!!!!" They were headed straight toward a large wall.

"JUMP!!!!"

Byakuya was enjoying the sunny day by his koi pond, when three people jumped over his pond. After having his garden being blown up on Thanksgiving (read our fanfic: Turkey Trot,) he knew it probably wasn't good.....

He watched in some astonishment as he spotted Hitsugaya and his lieutenant, plus Yamada, the new lieutenant of squad 2 leap over the other wall.

"GET THEM!!!!"

A couple seconds later, a mob of squad eleven members leaped over the wall, along with Kenpachi's mad spiritual energy which withered Byakuya's flowers. The sheer wind made Byakuya's kenseikan fly off and his sakura tree fall over..

Byakuya twitched.

Hmph, fools.

Suddenly, he heard a couple of voices on the left side if his wall.

"Yamada-san!"

"K-Kotetsu fukutaicho!"

"What's going...EEP!!!!!"

This time, four people leaped over to the right side of the wall.

Byakuya just finished straightening his Kenseikan...then...once again... "CHARGE!!!!"

Byakuya's hair was blown back.

He yet heard more voices on the right side of the walls, where the 4 seated officials just leapt into.

"Ah! Hitsugaya-taicho! My, what's with all the ruckus...?"

"Ukitake-taicho!!! Look out!!!" A man's voice...

"Shut up Sentaro! I war going to warn Ukitake–taicho!!"

"You shut up booger face!!!"

"MUHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"???"  
Byakuya frowned and then this time the same 4 people, along with Ukitake, Kiyone, and Sentaro went howling and jumping with fear over his pond.

Along with Captain Search-and-Destroy...

BOOM!!! He heard an eruption of spirit energy.

More voices...

"My my...what's going on..."

"Kyoraku! Ise-fukutaicho!! Careful squad..."

"AHH!!!!"

"HAHAHA!!! MORE CAPTAINS TO JOIN THE FIGHT!!!!"

More leaping over the walls.

Byakuya stared and stared.

"..."

Ten minutes later...

"..." Byakuya continued to stare.

"Ah!!! Komamura-san!!!"

"RENJI YOU IDIOT!!!"

"ICHIGO!!! BE CAREFUL!!!"

"ON THE PRIDE OF A QUINCY, I SHALL..."

"Move you stupid Quincy!"

"Mayuri-sama!!"

"Ikkaku! Yumichika!! Do something about Zaraki!!!"

"YAY!!! Ken-chan!!!"

"Bankai!!! Hihio Zabimaru!!!"

"Idiot!! This is nii-sama's wall!!!!"

"Call the head captain!!!!"

"AHHH!!!!! TAICHOU!!!!! HELP!!!!"

"Nanao-chan!!!"

"Shut up!!!"

"I will be willing to dissect any carcasses..."

"NO ONE IS DEAD!!!!"

"...yet..."

"Nemu-san, that's not very..."

"AHHH!!!! ZARAKI TAICHOU!! PLEASE STOP!!!"

"HOLY CRAP!!! GETSUGA TENSHOU!!!!

"Why I am here???"

BONK!!!!

"ARG!!! MY FACE!!!"

"S-sorry...I have a hard head..."

"I-Inoue-san..."

"How did this happen???"

All of the Gotei 13 continued their jumping-over-Byakuya's-pond/wall...

Byakuya tried to remain calm, "At least they did not destroy any..."

BOOM!!!!

Squad 11 went crashing through the left wall, screaming maniacally.  
"HA! Fine, instead of jumping over we'll..."

"Chire, Senbonzakura....."

The explosion of the petals sent the innocent victims/captains/lieutenants/others who were leaping over the walls smash into his koi pond...

Water splashed out of the pond, and the koi leaped out, flapping helplessly on the grass. To add insult to injury, Byakuya caught a glimpse of Ichigo sitting on his rare underwater plant.

"..."

"N-nii-sama..."

The victims of the chase stared at Byakuya.

"..."

Hanatarou got up, with a koi fish in his mouth.

"..."

A fish that had been blown up particularly high landed on his kenseikan.

Byakuya twitched.

"Bankai...Senbonzakura Kageyoshi..."

"AHH!!!!!"

In five seconds flat, the Gotei 13 came running out of Byakuya's property on down the halls.

"AL RIGHT!!! LET'S GO!!!!" Kenpachi lifted his sword and laughed maniacally.

"Fight??" Komamura looked angry.

Ukitake cut in, "Zaraki-taichou, this chase is OVER!!!"  
The others nodded in agreement.

"Over??? NO fight is over until one of us is DEAD!!!!"

"W-what???"

BOOM!!!!!

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

So the chase continued...

Soifon paced around by the halls near her division. She frowned, "Geez, all I did was send Hanatarou on training with Kenpachi....Where the hell are those two...?"

RUMBLE RUMBLE...

"What the..."

Soifon turned toward the sound and walked toward the gate.

She stepped outside to see what was going on.

Her eyes widened at what they saw.

A horde of wet humans, a Quincy, shinigami, captains and all, charging toward her screaming, and waving their arms in circles.

She particularly saw Yamada at the front of the chase, tears flowing, flash stepping into people and screaming, "S-SOIFON TAICHOU!!!!!"  
"Whoa, back off, what the..."

CRASH!!!!!!

The crash and the sudden stop sent the shinigami heaping into a large pile of we shinigami with Soifon and Hanatarou at the bottom.

Soifon twitched.

"S-so...d-did I pass?" Hanataro tried to force a nervous smile.

"My, what is going on?"

Everyone looked up and saw Unohana standing above them.

"Unohana-taichou!!" Hanatarou called timidly.  
She smiled and began to help everyone up.

"Sigh, I guess I went a little over the top with this idea..." Soifon shook her head and Hanatarou hurriedly got off of her.

Suddenly...

"EEP!!!!" Hanatarou slipped on a puddle and crashed his head into Soifon's face.

"YAMADA!!!!!"

**Author's Note: Well, there you go!!! Moral of the story: Do not attack Byakuya's pond...Stay tuned, a new chapter should be coming up pretty soon!! Please review!!!**


	7. Battle in the Forest

Stealth Goes Wrong

Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Enjoy! WE have been asked whether this was a SoifonxHanatarou pairing or not...We didn't really intend it to be...But, I guess it depends on how you look at it!**

"Yamada!!!" Soifon stood up from her chair and shouted loudly.

"H-hai!!!" She got a reply from outside in the hall, along with a couple of crashes and thuds and cries to pain.

"Uhg..." Soifon rubbed the side of her head with her hands.

Hanatarou jumped into the room with a red face, "S-sorry!!! Um...do you need some...?"

Soifon rolled her eyes and said, "Look, today, you'll be going on a mission with me to a Rukongai forest to investigate..."

She eyed Hanatarou, "Please don't screw up."

Hanatarou nodded furiously. He knew by now that the Captain of the Second Division never said 'please'.

Hanatarou was throwing everything into a small bag to take on the mission when he realized that he was out of energy pills.

"I'll need a lot for the mission! Maybe I'll go ask Squad Four for more!"

He headed out of his small room, for the hospital.

"Oh! Hanatarou! It's so nice to see you!" Unohana turned around, beaming happily.

"Ah! Unohana-taichou!" smiled Hanatarou happily.

"Are you enjoying your time in the second division? How is Soifon-taichou?"

Isane, who was changing the bed sheets, turned slightly, her ears perking up.

Hanatarou thought for a minute.

"She's....very nice! A great captain who always thinks of her subordinates!"

Isane sweat dropped. Soifon had nearly killed...err...squished Kiyone!

_Those two have issues..._ she thought to herself, as Hanatarou took his pills and left.

"Are you ready yet?" asked Soifon impatiently, as Hanatarou ran up to her, dragging a fat bag that was obviously not supposed to be crammed full of stuff.

"H-Hai taichou!"

She scowled. "The second division don't need large bags...they travel light, and-"

"It won't get in the way! I promise!"

"That bag will slow you down," she said pointedly.

"No! It won't! I'll keep up with you!"

Soifon raised an eyebrow, and shrugged.

"Fine."

Hiding a sneer, Soifon flash stepped away swiftly.

"Ahh!! Taichou!"

Soifon twitched, hearing him snag on several branches, cracking twigs, breaking branches, and crashing into tree trunks.

"Secret Covert Ops are supposed to move stealthily and swiftly. NOT smash into anything they see."

"S-sorry!!!"

Soifon groaned, "We're here."

They arrived in the center of a large forest.

"W-where are we..." Hanatarou whimpered. He didn't like all the shadows and silence...he glanced at Soifon...speaking of shadow and silence.

"Shut up. Be quiet, or else we'll lose the target. So make sure that you are VERY careful..."

"AH!" Hanatarou slipped over a stump and landed face first on the ground.

Soifon twitched. "Yamada, I'm warning you...."

"S-sorry..."

A few minutes passed and nothing happened.

Soifon sighed, "I guess that we're a bit early or something..." She glanced at Hanatarou, who seemed to be falling asleep, "YAMADA!!!"  
She watched him yelp in his sleep.

"Ah! Please, don't hurt me! I-I'll do anything! Please don't! Ah!"

"YAMADA!" she practically screamed, trying to lower her voice. "WAKE UP!"

"H-hai Taichou!" Hanatarou bolted up, smashing his head into a low branch while trying to salute.

Soifon twitched...again.

"Alright, I want you to practice your flash step."

"Eh?"

"You heard me, GO!"

"H-hai!!"

"Shunpo to that tree over there."

Hanatarou gathered his energy and flash stepped to the tree...a couple of yards away from where he was suppose to. And he didn't flash step to a tree, he flash stepped INTO one.

"Ack!!!"

Soifon slapped her forehead and groaned.

Hanataro continued to practice, but every shunpo he attempted gave Soifon a headache. She snapped, "Stop! You're wasting your energy...and time!!"

She angrily turned her back to him and began to walk away. Man, Yamada was quite different from Omaeda, but wasn't sure which one drove her more insane.

"T-taicho?" She heard a soft voice and turned around.

"What is it now?"

"I-I'm sorry for being so useless..."

Soifon turned around to face Hanatarou. Hanatarou had a very sad look on his face, and seemed as if he would burst out crying any moment.

Soifon shook her head and sighed. _No need to get him worked up and bawling during a mission..._

"Look, at least...you don't eat rice crackers in the middle of a mission."

Hanatarou's face lit up and he smiled widely.

Soifon wondered why she even tried.

"T-thank you taicho!!"

Soifon tried to frown and said, "Yeah, yeah, what-"

She was off guard.

Suddenly, a bright spiritual energy lit up in the sky.

"T-taicho!!"

Soifon's eyes widened in shock, and then a blur of pain ripped through her back.

Soifon slammed through a couple trees, landing on the ground, not moving.

"TAICHOU!"

"Shut up!" Soifon tried to push herself up, cursing silently. Why hadn't she sensed the hollow? She struggle to get up, but as she did, a sharp pain streamed throughout her body. She coughed up blood and fell back onto the ground.

"Taichou!!" Hanatarou went running toward her.

"Don't drop your guard Yamada!!" Soifon managed to choke out.

RRRRRROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRR!!!  
A large spiritual power arose, a power so strong that some of the trees began to crack and split.

"W-what is..." Hanatarou stuttered and turned around...A large Arrancar emerged from what was left of the trees and roared so loudly that Hanataro felt as if he ears were going to explode.

The Arrancar apparently wasn't completely formed, and was as large as a Seireitei building. Its mask was partly full, resembling the face of a lion, and its entire body was covered with scales except for part of its back, where a long black mane streaked down from. The Arrancar had claws the size of the forests trees, and each of them were dripping with a dark, green poison. In the middle of his back, a long, spiked tail showed, and as it thudded down, the ground shook and cracked.

The Arrancar let out a loud laughter.

"A-an Arrancar?" Hanatarou looked back toward Soifon, still on the ground. "Taichou! What do we..."

Soifon used all of her energy and managed to stumble to her feet. Glaring at both the Arrancar and Hanatarou, she snapped angrily, "We kill it of course...That was our mission from the start!" She sensed fear in Hanatarou's eyes, and she ordered, "Yamada! Stay back and don't get in my way."

"B-but..."

"That's an order!"

"Hai..."

Soifon drew her zanpakuto, and even though every inch of her body and mind was drowned with pain, she charged toward the Arrancar at full speed.

"HAHAH!!! Foolish SOUL REAPER!!! I'LL DEVOUR YOU ALL!!!!"  
The Arrancar swing his claws at Soifon, and as they were about to slice her in half, Soifon used shunpo and flashed right behind the Arrancar..

"Sting all enemy's to death...Suzumebachi!!!"

Soifon swiftly leaped onto the Arrancar's back and stabbed it with Suzumebachi, forming a large Homonka crest right below the Arrancar's mane.

"Why you..." The Arrancar spun and threw Soifon off of his back.

Soifon scoffed and landed on a fallen tree and prepared to....

"GAH!!!!" The Arrancar roared and opened its jaws, spewing out a tsunami (yes, he is very big) of lava. Soifon widened her eyes and jumped away just in time. The lava melted across the tree, and began to spread into fire.

"Tch..." Soifon watched as the forest burst into flames.

She turned to face the Arrancar, who then again, sent a wave of fire at her, but almost as he intended to miss, the fire went zipping past Soifon; she didn't even have to dodge.

She sneered, "What's the matter, that was just..." Soifon cut herself off as she saw the Arrancar smiled cruelly.

Soifon gasped and turned around, "YAMADA!!!"

It was too late. Hanatarou's back was facing them, trying to avoid being consumed by flames, and by the time he heard his captain shout, he turned and saw a wave of fire speeding right at him.

He widened his eyes and fell back in shock, the fire was going too fast for him to escape or counter it.

Soifon didn't really know why she cared to protect Yamada from the wall of fire, but she quickly jumped back and faced toward it, "Hadou no San jyu San, SOKATSUI!!!"

A burst of blue energy crashed into the fire and scattered it away, leaving Hanatarou unscathed. For some reason, Soifon felt relieved...Until she realized something.

"Ha ha ha...you call yourself a captain? Rule number one during battle: NEVER TURN YOUR BACK AGAINST YOUR OPPONENT!!!"

Soifon turned around and saw the large Arrancar charging at her; she had no chance to get away, and so she summoned her spiritual power to her arms and used it to tried and block whatever was coming...

"TOO LATE!!!" The Arrancar used sonido and appeared behind Soifon, and send his bladed tail crashing into Soifon's side.

A blast of pain made Soifon's body limp. The force of the impact drove her into the ground, not being able to move.

Soifon groaned with pain and tried to stand up, but she could no longer feel her arms and legs...

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" The Arrancar laughed wickedly and he raised his arms.

"Taichou!!!!!" Hanatarou shouted and ran toward where Soifon's body was.

"Taichou! P-Please wake up!! Taichou!!" Hanataro shook Soifon, who was almost unconscious.

The Arrancar howled and slammed his fist against the ground...Suddenly, the ground split open, and waves of black fire shot out.

"HAHA!!!! CRUSH THEM!!!!"  
"T-Taicho!" Hanataro almost cried.

"Sh-shut th-the hell...up..." Soifon tried to shout, but all that came up was a low whisper.

"I-I'm sorry!!! This is all my fault!!!" Hanatarou started shaking.

"Y-Yamada..." Soifon managed a couple more words... "Run back to the Seireitei and report for..."

"N-No...but taicho...you'll..."

Soifon would have whacked him in the face if only she could move.

"That was an order..."

"No..."

Soifon twitched, "If you don't, then I'll..."

Soifon grabbed her neck and began to cough violently, and black blood began to drip from her mouth.

"W-what the hell...."

The Arrancar walked forward to them, still laughing, "HA!! My attacks are all poison elemented, and it's a poison that you idiotic shinigami probably never seen before!! Even the gas produced by my hell fire is toxic!!!"  
Suddenly, Hanatarou began to feel sick himself...

"Yamada! Go!"

Hanatarou lowered his head and said nothing.

"Yamada, did you not hear..."

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

Hanatarou drew his zanpakuto and swung it at Soifon.

"What are you....??!!"

The wound on Soifon's side began to heal, until the meter on the side sword was filled up, glowing red.

Hanatarou got up and ran, twisting and turning past the hell fire.

The forest began to burn, and soon they were completely surrounded with flames...only a small area behind the Arrancar was not yet completely on fire.

Hanatarou sprinted as fast as he could toward the opening.

_Alright, if he can get past them, then he could probably get to the Seireitei...Wait a minute..._

Instead of running out the opening, Hanatarou charge head on at the large Arrancar.

"S-stop!!!" Soifon tried to shout, by found that she no longer had the energy to even speak.

"YAHHHHH!!!!" Hanatarou charged at the hollow, his zanpakuto raised high

_Fool!!!!! _Soifon widened her eyes as she watched Hanatarou leap at the Arrancar.

"HAHA!!!! PATHETIC SOUL REAPER!!!!" The Arrancar raised his arms and thrust down straight at Hanatarou...

"YAMADA!!!!"

The Arrancar's fist slammed down, all the way, creating a large cloud of dust.

Soifon felt sick._ That idiot..._

"Huh?" The dust cleared, and Soifon saw that the Arrancar's claws had crashed into the ground...only the ground...

"Where did that brat..." The Arrancar then heard a shout and he turned his head back.

Soifon stared with shock and Hanatarou leaped at the Arrancar from behind.

Hanatarou had managed to get away, right behind the Arrancar, right before he was hit....the only way that he could be so fast was if he...

Flash Step.

"FILL!!! HISAGOMARU!!!!"

Hanatarou's small zanpakuto glowed brightly..

With a large swing...Hanatarou's blade ejected a wave of red energy...and it split the Arrancar right down the center.

"AHHH!!!!!" The Arrancar howled with pain and toppled over, crashing into the ground.

Hanatarou, too, almost fell to the ground, but he got up and faced Soifon's direction.

He was panting with exhaustion and when he tried to walk, he merely crashed into trees.

"T-Taichou...OW!!!"

Soifon still stared at him with shock.

Suddenly, she saw the large fallen Arrancar behind Hanatarou move again. Growling, it jumped up and shouted, "IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO KILL..."

Soifon's wound was partly healed, and she felt much less pain. She raised an eyebrow.

Soifon got to her feet and shunpo-ed behind the Arrancar.

She stabbed it once again with Suzumebachi..

"Homonka Second Strike..."

The Arrancar didn't even realize what had happen, until he saw his body turning transparent...

"NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" The Arrancar glowed and disintegrated into the air, along with the black fire and the flames consuming the forest.

"Tch...Stupid hollow..."

Soifon suddenly felt her energy drain from he body again, as she lost her balance and fell toward the ground.

"S-Soifon Taicho!!!" Hanatarou panicked and ran to catch her.

Guess what?

He slipped. On what? Who knows...maybe his own feet.

"EEEPP!!!!" Hanatarou fell on his butt, and Soifon ended up landing on top of him.

"AHH!!!! I-I'm so sorry!!!" Hanatarou tried to help Soifon up.

"Huh?" Hanatarou heard some voices...

"Over there!!"

Soifon remained silent, and as she watched Hanatarou jumping silly and waving at a group of shinigami running toward them, she sighed shook her head.

But she couldn't resist a slight smile.

**Author's Note: YAY!!! Chapter 8 should be up next over the next one or two days...Oh, and as for our other stories Waves of Laughter and Cuisine of Death, sorry that we're a bit slow on that...a little Writer' s Block. We'll work on it as soon as possible. And as for Stealth Goes Wrong, next chapter: Hospital Chaos!!!**


	8. Hospital Madness

Stealth Goes Wrong

Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Up next Chapter 8! Yeah, we've been updating this series continuously for a few days, but we might slow down a bit and work on our other stories...Enjoy!!**

Hanatarou ran down the halls of the 4th division and almost crashed into Unohana

"Ah!!! Sorry Taichou!" Hanatarou stopped in his tracks right before he smashed into Unohana. Unohana smiled sweetly, "My, it seems that you have improved! Time in the 2nd squad really worked out didn't it; if it were the old you, you'd probably crashed into me!"

Hanatarou didn't know whether that was a compliment or not, so he just nodded and laughed. "Oh! I almost forgot!!! Is Soifon taichou okay...?"

Unohana paused for a minute.

Hanatarou squealed, "Ahh!!! Hesitation!!!! Soifon taichou is dying!!!!!"

"Now just wait and listen, Soifon taichou is..."

"It's all my fault!!!!" Hanatarou whimpered and ran toward Soifon's hospital room.

"Isn't dying..." Unohana finished her sentence, and turned toward the running away Hanatarou, "My, that's not good...."

Hanatarou burst the door open and saw Soifon lying on the bed, her back facing him.

He ran over and bent over her....

"She's not responding..." Hanatarou took a breath, "TAICHOU!!!! DON'T DIE....EEEEEK!!!!"

Soifon jerked to the side and sent a foot flying into Hanatarou's face.

"SHUT UP!!!!" She shouted angrily as Hanatarou fell to the ground.

"Y-you're not dead?"

Soifon clenched her teeth tightly, "Of course I'm not dead..."

Hanatarou got to his feet just as Isane came walking into the room. She looked surprised to see Hanatarou there, "Yamada-san! I thought you were....what are you doing here? Soifon taichou isn't ready to leave yet, so, I think you should let her rest."

Soifon grumbled and got back to the bed, while Hanatarou poured out a waterfall of "sorry"'s and ran out the door.

When he left, Soifon sighed and asked, "How does Unohana put up with him?"

Isane laughed and said, "Well, I guess you can say that Unohana taichou's personality is rather similar to Yamada-san..."

"HIYEEE!!! I'M SO SORRY!!!!" A loud crash echoed throughout the division.

Soifon raised an eyebrow, "You were saying..." Isane merely laughed and stuck her head out the door nervously, wondering if anyone got hurt.  
A while later, Unohana came into the room to remind Isane that she would be leaving the division for an hour to visit the site where the Arrancar attacked.

"Alright taichou!"

Unohana smiled, "And this time no squad...11...members are here right?"

Isane nodded.

Unohana got ready to leave, "Then it would be alright if I came back to expect the division AND my patients in one piece?" Isane sweat dropped and nodded again.

A few minutes after Unohana left, Soifon looked out the window and began to wonder...How was Hanatarou able to use shunpo so quickly, when he couldn't even control his direction a few seconds before the attack?

Maybe the chase with Kenpachi helped him....Soifon thought.

She took a drink from a cup and...

Speaking of Kenpachi, a loud shout echoed down the halls...a very familiar shout...

"MUHAHAHA!!!!! HANATAROU YAMDA OF THE FOURTH...err....SECOND SQUAD!!!! I DEMAND A REMATCH!!!!!"

Pppffffttttbbbb....Soifon spat out the water in her mouth at the sound of the shout.

She groaned and got up to look out the door. Now who could THAT possibly be? She asked herself sarcastically.

Before she knew it, Hanatarou came sprinting into Soifon's room and slammed the door shut, panting. Soifon sneered, "Oh, I think someone's looking for you..."

"W-what does Zaraki taichou want with ME of all people?" Hanatarou peeked out a crack in the door and whimpered.

Just as he did that, the door burst into nothing but woodchips, and there stood Kenpachi Zaraki, looking very hungry...and not a hunger that could be satisfied with a buffet (remembers Omaeda LOL)

"Z-Zaraki taichou....What do you...?"

Kenpachi laughed crazily, "I hear ALL about the incident in the forest, and I demand a fight to the death with you, lieutenant of squad 2!!!"

Soifon leaned back against the wall and kept silent, seemingly amused.

Big coincidence that he came to blow up the 4th squad when Unohana just happened to not be there.

"W-What?"

"You heard me! A duel to the..."

"OH SHUT UP WHOEVER'S SHOUTING LIKE THAT!!!!"

Another familiar voice howled from the other room, and out came Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Nemu Kurotsuchi.

Mayuri sneered, "Oh, are you here to pummel the patients when Unohana is not around?"

That is correct...Soifon thought.

Kenpachi snapped, "What are YOU doing here? And why do you care how loud..."

"Because..." Mayuri interrupted, "Because all your noise is disturbing my test subjects....err...I mean experiments....I-I mean...."

It was now Soifon's turn to talk, "And why are you performing experiments IN the fourth division using THEIR patients? And the same time as Unohana isn't here..."

"Hey, watch it!" Mayuri growled.

Nemu stepped up, "Mayuri-sama, the patient's/test subject's blood has been extracted and...."

Mayuri grabbed Nemu by the collar, yanked her closely and hissed, "Shut...Up..."

He turned back to the others, who were making disgusted faces, especially Hanatarou, who looked like he was going to puke.

"What's all the noise...OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!" Isane's scream could have been heard all across the Seireitei.

Mayuri groaned, "Dammit...she found him...."

Soifon coughed and stared at the idiots.

Kenpachi ignore the freaking out Isane and said, "Now where was I...as yes! A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!!!!"

"EEEEEKKK!" Hanatarou pushed him aside and sprinted down the hall, "HELP!!!!"

"THE CHASE BEGINS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Kenpachi roared and chased after poor Hanatarou. Soifon then looked at Mayuri.

"If you do not need something, then please leave." She said coolly.

"Hmph...Nemu, let's go." Mayuri and Nemu exited the room. But then Isane jumped in front of them, looking very pale and said, "S-sorry, I can't let you leave until Unohana taichou comes back and fixes up that....stuff..."

"Move." Mayuri snarled.

"S-sorry, Kurotsuchi taichou, please stay for another few minutes until Unohana taichou returns."

Mayuri rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers, "Nemu..."

"Huh? Wait! Nemu-san!!!"

Nemu's arm began to spin like a drill and she chased after Isane, "What are you doing???"

"Apologies, it is an order."

"What kind of response is that?!!"

Soifon moaned and tried to close the door, until she realized she no longer had a door thanks to Kenpachi.

Soifon grabbed her captain's cloak, put it on, and walked out, ignoring the protests of the other squad 4 members.

She past by a room and saw that 1/3 of the fourth squad hospital was hacked into destruction. "Oh god..." Soifon then heard a loud snore coming from a room and she looked in...

She frowned right away, way to make her feel worse...

Sitting on the bed, eating and sleeping at the same time, was Omaeda, her ex-fat lieutenant.

How could he possibly sleep when Kenpachi is wreaking havoc in the hospital?

She looked around, and the room was filled with expensive items, and a fireplace. Soifon frowned...how typical of him.

Well, it WAS the only room left with a door, so Soifon reluctantly went inside.

"HANATAROU YAMADA!!! COME OUT AND FIGHT TO THE DEATH LIKE A MAN!!!"

Soifon rolled her eyes; after all Hanatarou really was still a boy...She heard more shouts.

"Move it Zaraki!"

"Tell me where the boy is!!!"  
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW????"

"If I can't find him, who do I fight???"

"I DON'T CARE, DAMN YOU!!!!"

"ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME???"

"NO I AM NOT!!!"

"ALRIGHT!!! A FIGHT IT IS!!!!"

Soifon heard a loud explosion, and the followed by a, "Bankai!!! Konjiki Ashisogi Jizo!!!"

"And here, we go." Soifon slammed the door shut, making a distinctively loud BANG!!

"Ah...ah..." A small cry came from behind the door, outside.

Soifon reopened the door and saw that she had just slammed the door into Hanatarou's face. "Yama..." Soifon began, but Hanatarou leaped into the room and dove behind the bed.

"They won't find me here!!!" He whispered quietly. Soifon rolled her eyes and closed the door. "Yeah, if you remain quiet...which is most likely impossible." Soifon gestured toward the snoring Omaeda.

"G-GGGGGROOOOO....." Omaeda made a loud grunt and plopped on the bed, almost snapping it in half.

"Eep!"

Soifon sighed, "I wouldn't hide there if I were..."

Omaeda snored and turned violently...the bed gave in.

C-C-CRACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!! The bed snapped in half, and Omaeda and his bed went thumping on top of poor Hanatarou.

"HIYEE!!! Taichou!!" Hanatarou squirmed under the weight of Omaeda and the broken bed.

Soifon arched an eyebrow, "This is not improving my mood..."

Hanatarou couldn't bear the weight of the bed any longer, and he thrust out his arms and swung them around, trying to grab onto something to pull himself out.

Soifon widened her eyes, "WATCH IT!!!"

"Huh?" Too late.

Hanatarou had grabbed and swung a box of oxygen tanks, and sent flying toward the corner of the wall, right at the small fireplace!

"AH!!!" Hanatarou and Soifon ducked to avoid the explosion.

Nothing happened.

The tanks managed to stop rolling right before it landed into the fire.

Soifon sighed in relief.

"Gr-Gr-GROOO....." Omaeda snored loudly and rolled off of Hanatarou.

"Whew..." Hanatarou got up and dusted his arms, "Ah! Omaeda-Fukutaicho! I-I have to help him back on the be...d...." Hanatarou grunted and tried to lift up Omaeda.

"Don't bother..." Soifon smirked at the sight of Hanatarou's stupidity.

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!"

"TAKE THIS!!!!"

Ah yes, Kenpachi vs. Mayuri.

A loud explosion made the division jump up a couple of feet from its foundation.

"W-Whoa!!" Hanatarou almost slipped, and managed to grab onto a shelf, but as for Omaeda, the force of the explosion made him go rolling (yes, fat people roll.)

Rolling...at the oxygen tanks.

Into the fireplace.

Soifon twitched. "Oh...shi..."

!!!!!!

The fourth division exploded, walls went flying, people whet crashing, Mayuri's poisons were released into the Seireitei, and Kenpachi's spiritual pressure made everything within 10 miles of it spontaneously combust.

Meanwhile, Byakuya just had his pond fixed, and everything was brand new, therefore making his mood feel better than yesterday. He sighed and took a breath. He frowned as he scented something wrong...His eyes widened and he covered his face as a wave of purple aura spread rapidly across the Seireitei...

Hm...Kurotsuchi....Byakuya frowned.

Then, something horrid happened.

His pond turned purple, the plants wilted, and the fish floated to the top.

Byakuya twitched.

"..."

Hanatarou stood up from a pile a rubble a while late, and viewed the destruction of the incident.

Soifon stumbled to her feet and glared at Hanatarou, "This is REALLY not improving my mood."

"YAHOOOEEEEE!!!!"

The captain and lieutenant looked up, and saw Omaeda shooting straight into the air, his butt on fire, screaming and after shooting 100 feet into the air, and plummeted down, smack into the ground, creating a large crater.

His butt was still on fire.

"A-AH!!!" Hanatarou squealed and ran over with concern.

Soifon followed him, but was sneering, "Scratch that, this is certainly improving my mood."

Meanwhile, Unohana had just returned back from her little trip, and was in an extremely pleasant mood. She approached the door of her division and opened it, "My, there's a draft in here!" She opened her eyes and saw a mountain of rubble.

"..."

A few days later, Soifon was walking in the garden by her division. Yamamoto did not completely understand what caused the explosion, because Unohana did not bother explaining it. All he knew that was there was an accident, and that the next day during the Captain's meeting, Mayuri and Kenpachi were not there.

Unohana had merely said sweetly that the two have...happily...volunteered to...personally...rebuild the Fourth Division.

The day after that, Kenpachi and Mayuri returned to the Captain's meeting with a forced smile on their faces when Unohana asked them how their day was.

The day after that, Kenpachi ran off somewhere to avoid rebuilding the 4th squad, leaving Mayuri trying to do it himself, and swearing and cursing at the same time.

Soifon sighed and shouted, "Yamada!"

"H-Hai!!! Oops! Sorry! Ack!!! Excuse me...whoa!!!!" Soifon slapped her forehead as Hanatarou came tripping head over heals toward her.

"Y-yes taichou?"

Soifon replied impatiently, "I would like to see you use flash step."

"H-huh? Why?"

"Because I said so."

"But I can't..."

Soifon snapped, "Yes you can, you did so to get past the hollow, remember?"

Hanatarou whimpered and looked down.

Soifon was about to lose her temper.

She stepped up to him and said rather loudly, "All I ask, is that you try flash step ONE. MORE. TIME."

Hanatarou saw the fury in her eyes and nodded.

Soifon pointed to a random tree, "Shunpo to that tree over there, easy."

Hanatarou took a breath and got ready. He turned and looked at Soifon, who had no expression on her face...okay, maybe an irritated expression.

It would probably be the last chance to impress his new captain.

_A-Alright, I can do this...I hope..._

Hanatarou gathered his energy, closed his eyes...and....

Soifon tried not to smile.

The next thing he knew, Hanatarou had flashed stepped to the tree, and he opened his eyes. Full of glee, he turned to Soifon and shouted, "Taichou! I-I did it!!!"

Hanatarou, for the first time, had completed flash step, and Soifon, for the first time...smiled slightly at him.

Hanatarou felt confused because Soifon's smile suddenly disappeared.

She raised her arm and shouted, "YAMADA!!!"

"What?" Hanatarou forgot that after using flash step, he was still soaring in the air. He quickly turned around and, "HIYEEEE!!!!!"

Hanatarou crashed straight into the tree...and guess what?

A while ago, Kyoraku had been complaining that he didn't ever...ever...get a vacation to the beach. So in order to stop his whining, Nanao had order a tree to be planted...

A coconut tree.

BAM!!! Hanatarou slammed smack into the tree, making the whole thing shake.

A coconut got loose, and came plummeting down.

The coconut then split into two as Soifon sliced it with her zanpakuto. She glared at Hanatarou, "Yama..."

Another coconut came falling down, and this time, it cracked Soifon on the head. Soifon stumbled and slipped onto the ground and partially into the pond...She heard Hanatarou's panicked voice and decided to keep her eyes closed for a while. Just to scare him.

Hanatarou freaked and pulled her out of the water.

Why am I the only Captain who gets stuck with the weirdest lieutenants...first the fat-ass Omaeda, and now this immature BOY.

As her mind wandered of, she heard Hanatarou shout some more and she took in a breath and got ready to get up...

But the she felt a finger under her nose, and a cry, "Ah!!! TAICHOU'S NOT BREATHING!!!!"

_Oh god...why me?_ Soifon moaned in her head.

"OH NO!!!! I didn't bring my electrocute...thing...AH WHAT DO I DO???"

_Electrocute me? What is wrong with him?_ Soifon thought. _Oh yeah, he thinks I not breathing..._

Soifon tried not to snicker...until she heard... "I know!!! I learned another technique!!"

_Another...what?_ Soifon was feeling weirder by the second.

"Mouth to mouth CPR!!!"

Soifon opened her eyes instantly, bolted up and roared, "HANATAROU YAMADA!!!! DO SO AND NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOUR REMAINS!!!!"

"EEEEKKKK!!!" Hanatarou screamed with surprise and fell backward into the pond.

He popped his head to the surface, with a fish in his mouth.

Soifon stared, trying to stay calm, though she felt humiliated, she said, "I want you back at the barracks in the next hour, understood?"

Hanatarou nodded, and spit the fish out of his mouth.

Soifon turned swiftly and flash stepped away.

Hanatarou sighed and was about to get out of the pond when, "What are you doing here?"

"Huh?" Hanatarou turned and saw Byakuya Kuchiki, "Why are you in my pond? I JUST got it cleaned..."

"I-I..." Hanatarou stuttered.

Byakuya frowned and remembered that Hanatarou was also the one who started the whole "jumping over Byakuya's wall/pond thing" and maybe the "Mayuri's poison spreading to his pond" thing.

His frown turned into a look of anger.

Hanatarou gulped. "T-Taichou! I can explain!!"

Byakuya reached toward his sword.

"P-Please don't!!"

"Chire..."

"A-AH!!!!"

"Senbonzakura..."

"HHHHIIIYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Soifon heard the scream from a distance, but decided to ignore it.

**Author's Note: Poor Hana-chan...LOL. Yes, we use Byakuya's pond a lot. We even used it in Cuisine of Death (our other fanfic). Poor Soifon and Byakuya twitched like....a lot of times....they're really going to get a seizure someday. XD Hope you enjoyed and please review!!**


	9. Cat in a Tree

Chapter 9

_Soifon felt air being pounded into her lungs, her head clearing up._

_Apparently she'd been hurt somehow, but she didn't remember the reason._

_Fresh air was coming through her mouth, and she opened her eyes to see everyone staring at her, and -_

Soifon didn't bother to wait to see the person who was performing CPR on her because she already knew who she was.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Soifon woke up, sweating and swearing that she was going to murder her lieutenant.

* * *

Whatever it was, Hanatarou was beginning to feel a lot more scared than he normally should have.

His sweating palms gripped the edge of the table, and his eyes darted anywhere but his captain's scowling face, which, unfortunately, was directed straight at him, nailing him to his seat in sheer terror.

Finally it was too much. The scowl hit bull's eye.

"I'M SO SORRY TAICHOU FOR WHATEVER I DID WRONG! I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY-"

"GET UP, YAMADA!" bellowed Soifon wearily, pointing angrily where Hanatarou had prostrated himself on the flow in mid-bow.

"H-hai, I'm sorry Taichou!"

"Finish off every scrap of paperwork," snapped Soifon, getting up and storming to the office.

"H-hai, Taichou!"

Hanatarou just knew that it wasn't going to be a good day. The paperwork had piled high because yet more Menos attacks, and more scouting. Soon Hanatarou's hand was getting number and number, and Soifon checking on him and glaring didn't help.

"T-taichou?" he squeaked when Soifon's head appeared in front of him behind a pillar of paperwork, glaring right at him. It was scary how she did that, he thought, quailing in fear as she glowered at him.

"What, Yamada?"

"I-I was wondering if we really have to do all of this-"

"I expect you to finish them by ten."

"N-nani!!" Hanatarou frantically checked the clock. One hour.

"You heard me. You'd better hurry."

She walked out the door, and Hanatarou frantically wrote in a mad dash to please his captain.

* * *

The day didn't get any better. Soifon had ordered him to send in the reports, and while carrying giant piles, it was only predictable that he'd knock into some unfortunate shinigami and then send the papers flying. Then while apologizing and scrambling to place back papers, he'd knock even more down.

After apologizing to Komamura (Hanatarou hadn't knocked him over, it was vice versa) and managing to pick them up, he finally had managed to send in every report not quite crumpled.

Soifon had told him to report to the training grounds (Soifon had ripped up every coconut tree she could find to shreds,) and Hanatarou dashed in, before sprawling and skidding to a stop before his taichou. At least this time he hadn't knocked her over.

"Yamada," Soifon drawled, looking at him from above, "you'll need to learn how to control your running."

"H-hai, Taichou!"

"Right," Soifon looked around idly. She thought she had just the idea.

"I ordered a crate full of hell butterflies just for you."

"W-why, T-taichou?"

"It'll be arriving soon enough," drawled Soifon, and sure enough, a Stealth Force member reported in, dropping off a large crate.

Soifon kicked the crate with little ceremony, and the hell butterflies flew out in a mad cloud of black before branching out across the training grounds.

"W-what are we doing with them?"

"It's not we, it's _you_."

"Erm, what am I d-doing with them?"

"You'll be chasing butterflies."

"N-nani?!"

"You're awfully clumsy and slow, Yamada, so what better way than to chase butterflies to improve?" replied Soifon, smirking. "By the way, there's five hundred butterflies, and I expect everyone of them not squashed and back in the crate. Don't worry, once they're in, they won't go back out unless I release them. So, you'd better hurry."

"NOOO!" Hanatarou ran at the nearest butterfly, which practically drifted away lazily before Hanatarou tripped over his own two feet.

Soifon critically eyed the lieutenant chasing the black butterflies that weren't even trying to get away. She was pretty sure she had the best creative training methods than most of the other Captains of the Gotei 13. Unorthodox as they were, they worked. (At least she was pretty sure the mad chase with Kenpachi did)

"We'll continue tomorrow," said Soifon eventually. The crate had three butterflies in them for a few hours hard work. At least these would also improve his shunpo. "you'll be doing this everyday until you can catch them in less than ten minutes."

"NANI?!?!?"

Ignoring him, Soifon continued. "Let's go."

As they walked on, Soifon's sharp ears detected a mewl. Soifon spun around, eying a black cat stuck in a tree.

_Yoruichi-sama...._

"Yamada! Your next training: get the cat!"

"WHA?!"

"You heard me. Get the cat."

"C-couldn't we just get a ladder?"

"We don't have time," snapped Soifon. "If you can't even get a cat, then how can you be a lieutenant?"

"H-hai!" squeaked Hanatarou. He ran up to the tree.

He gulped when he saw it. It was the kind of tree that towered above everything else with several branches, and with a thin trunk.

And the stupid kitty had gotten stuck at the very top. He was surprised that his Taichou had even spotted it.

Hanatarou realized that Soifon was right, and that a ladder wouldn't even have gotten him far up. He desperately clawed at the trunk.

"Need a boost?" asked Soifon wryly, appearing behind him.

"H-hai!"

Soifon nodded, and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

"Uh, Taichou, wh-what are you d-doing?"

"Giving you a boost," replied Soifon. For god sake's, the boy was light as a feather.

Then she reared back, and with a scream (from Hanatarou), she threw him.

"HIYEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Soifon had an extremely good arm, and Hanatarou flew high into the sky, wailing.

"FLASH STEP TO THE TREE, YAMADA!" bellowed Soifon.

"WHAAA?! I CAN'T!!"

"DO IT, OR ELSE!"

"WHY!!"

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" yelled back Soifon, replying with that classic line.

Hanatarou managed a feeble flash step in mid fall (or mid flying) and at least he whacked into a branch. He nearly slid off, but he frantically grabbed it, and attempted to slow his pounding heartbeat.

"Get the cat!" he head Soifon's yell, as he groaned. Whimpering, he began a slow ascent.

"HURRY UP!" It seemed his domineering captain had somehow acquired a megaphone.

Hanatarou whimpered as he approached the higher branches. The cat had gotten stuck in the whippiest branches, ones that would never had supported anyone's weight. Maybe Yachiru, but why would Yachiru be here?

"Hi, Hana-chan!"

Speak of the devil....

Hanatarou slowly turned around.

"K-Kusajishi-fukutaichou?"

"Hana-chan! Whatcha doin' here?"

"Um, the cat?"

"Oh! Baldy said there was candy up here, so I went, while he trained!" chirped Yachiru. It was clear that Yachiru had been interfering with Ikkaku's training, so Ikkaku had sent her off.

"Uh, um, Kusajishi-fukutaichou! I'll get you a lot of candy!"

"Really? Thank you, Hana-chan!"

"If you could just get me that cat, I'll get you a sack of candy!" Hanatarou sweat dropped. He'd just drop by Captain Ukitake and hope he could get a lot.

"Okay!" Hanatarou sighed in relief, waiting as the pink haired girl crawled up to the high branches.

The girl easily reached the most precarious branches, before swooping up to grab the kitty, who mewled.

"Got him, Hana-chan! Where's my candy?"

"Uh, I'll have to go down first to get it!"

"Okay! I'll be waiting down there for you!"

"Wha?! Wait, the kitty-"

"Candy first, then kitty!" chirped Yachiru, before she jumped off and began to free fall. Yet, she began to shunpo easily in mid air, so that she wouldn't actually fall all the way.

"WHEEE!! This is fun!!!"

Hanatarou had blue lines running down his face. It seemed that the twelfth squad's pink haired lieutenant knew how to bargain and shunpo. He turned to go back down, and his face turned white.

He couldn't get down either.

Soifon tapped her foot impatiently, before being bombed by a ball of pink and fur.

"Hii!!!" Soifon gazed at Yachiru, holding a shaking cat, it's tail and fur shooting straight up.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh! Hana-chan promised me a sackful of candy when he came down and I had the cat."

Soifon smirked. So Hanatarou had bargained for Yoruichi....yet as she inspected the cat, it was actually a shade lighter than Yoruichi-sama.....

"Never mind, I'll get you two sackfuls of candy from Ukitake," replied Soifon offhandedly. If it wasn't Yoruichi-sama, there was no point.

"YAAYY!"

"Now go back to Ken-chan. You can release the cat now."

"Okay!"

Soifon walked off, forgetting about both cat and boy stuck in the tree.

"WAAHHHHHH!" Hanatarou wailed as he searched frantically for a way down. His shunpo wouldn't be enough to get him down safely from that immense height.

"HELP MEEEE!!!"

Byakuya had been walking around nonchalantly, Renji shut in the 6th division office doing paperwork. Byakuya had decided that wandering around by his pond had been beginning to be a good idea, and had went somewhere else, until he heard a familiar voice, faintly shouting for help.

He turned around suspiciously, staring up at an immense tree, before squinting at the Second Division's hapless lieutenant.

"Ah!! BYAKUYA-TAICHOU!" the figure screeched. "I'M SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, BUT COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME DOWN FROM HERE?!"

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. This brat had caused him nothing but trouble, and yet...he had an idea.

"Chire, Senbonzakura...."

"NOOOOOOO!!!!"

The petals easily cut through the thin trunk, and the tree began to fall, first as a creaking groan, and then it became louder, drowning out the wails and pleas of Hanatarou.

Byakuya sheathed his sword and walked off. Yes, he had a sadistic side too.

The tree fell with an earthshaking crash. Hanatarou was pinned beneath the branches, and he whimpered. Thank god, he was still alive, and mostly unscathed.

Yes, it had been a bad day.

* * *

Author's note: Aw! Poor Hanatarou! I feel so sorry for him....but it's still funny. ^^ If you don't know what was going on in the beginning, Soifon was having a nightmare that Hanatarou performed CPR on her in public XD


	10. Zaraki the Butterfly

Chapter 10: Zaraki the Butterfly

Soifon leaned against a tree lazily, watching her lieutenant run around the training grounds. Honestly, how hard was it to catch five hundred black butterflies in one area? The training grounds seemed literally carpeted in a swarm of moving black.

Hanatarou ran up panting to her. He was drenched in sweat, and a carpet of black butterflies swept away to allow him to run up to his captain without crushing them underfoot.

"What, Yamada?" asked Soifon.

"Soifon Taichou, am I allowed to use kido?" he asked breathlessly.

"No. Flash step only. Nothing else." she stated.

He sighed sadly, before pouncing on one, catching it carefully and trapping it within his fingers.

"Got one!" he said happily, placing it back in the crate.

"Yamada, I suggest you improve as quickly as possible," she said wryly, watching as he attempted to swipe at another one.

"Why, taichou?"

"Because catching them one by one is not going to work....obviously."

Suddenly Hanatarou felt a rush of wind blow his hair back, and he blinked in surprise, for his Captain wasn't in front of him leaning on the tree.

"You have slow reflexes too."

Hanatarou spun around, surprised. His taichou stood behind him, and in one hand, wings beating rapidly, were several black butterflies.

"The key is to be fast. Relax. And then strike." Soifon released the butterflies.

"Get back to your training, Yamada."

"H-hai!"

Soifon sighed, leaning back, as Yamada danced around the training grounds as if it was some sort of meadow.

A thought occurred to her. Hanatarou was always the type who did things better under pressure. He'd proved it several times. But if she started timing him, that wouldn't be enough.

"Yamada!"

"E-eh? Tai-yeeep!!!!" Hanatarou cowered as Soifon flash stepped to him.

"Hurry up." the black butterflies danced among them. The proud captain, and her tiny lieutenant sitting in the midst of black butterflies.

"Taichou?" Hanatarou had a sinking feeling.

"W-why is your zanpakuto out?" He hadn't even seen her activate it, and it was already in shikai form.

"I'm taking this training seriously, Yamada. We're trying to make this as real as possible. Unfortunately, hell butterflies don't participate in fighting."

"W-what do you mean taichou?"

"It means, that you'll be catching butterflies while evading my attacks," replied Soifon coolly, hiding a smirk.

Hanatarou's jaw dropped. "B-b-but Taichou! I can already barely catch them!"

"Like I've said. Be fast. Relax. And then strike."

"B-but-"

"No buts. I advise you to make as much of your time as possible. The Stealth Force is not for weaklings, Yamada. I don't need a weak lieutenant. So I'm training you. I didn't do that for Omaeda, so I suggest that you be glad I'm taking up this time to make you stronger. I've seen you do flash step. It's slow, but you can do it."

"T-thank you...Taichou..."

Then a full smirk came upon Soifon.

"Don't thank me...you'll be cursing me soon enough."

Then Soifon flash stepped right past him, and Hanatarou's eyes widened, feeling a Homonka grow on his arm.

"Ahh! Taichou! Are you going to kill me?!?!"

"No, but we're making it as real as possible. Better hurry and chase your butterflies, Yamada."

And Hanatarou sped away in a frantic race.

Soifon shook her head, putting away her zanpakuto, and allowing the Homonka to disappear on Hanatarou's arm. She wasn't so idiotic as to actually try and kill him with Suzumebachi, but as she had said, she needed to put more pressure on him. She had been considering calling up Zaraki, but she had quickly discarded that idea because Zaraki would blow up the Stealth Force's training grounds and also probably rip the butterflies in two with that freaking large reiatsu. Mayuri was a big no-no.

Hanatarou wasn't relaxing though. He didn't understand how to fight. At least there were ten butterflies fluttering in the cage though. An improvement from the other day when he had only caught three. Hanatarou needed to figure out how to catch them for himself. She could tell him how to relax, to find the right moment to allow a reflexive hand to shoot out and catch the hell butterfly, but he needed to discover that for himself.

Meanwhile, Ukitake was dragging large sacks of presents for all the people in Seireitei. Yachiru had convinced him to deliver a ton of candy to the twelfth squad, he had been passing by the Stealth Force's training grounds.

He peered in, watching as Hanatarou jumped at butterflies.

"Oh my! It seems that the Stealth Force has a lot of fun!" he said, smiling as Hanatarou landed flat on his face and failed a capture.

"I should try that too! I'm sure Kiyone and Sentarou would love that!" he said, humming as Hanatarou sat up miserably from the ground, panting hard from using so much shunpo. I bet everyone would love chasing butterflies! I bet it relieves a lot of stress!"

Meanwhile, Hanatarou, contrary to Ukitake's thoughts, was feeling a lot of stress.

Too bad it was going to get even worse.

Soifon had decided that Hanatarou might possibly improve if she wasn't glaring at him the whole time, and had left for other captain duties.

Coincidentally, Mayuri was "strolling" along the Second Division. He felt some antagonism towards the captain of the Stealth Force, and had some anger he wanted to vent on some test subject.

He looked in, cackling.

"Just what is that imbecile doing, chasing butterflies?!" he cackled. He raised an eyebrow, watching as Hanatarou tripped over his feet and fell, sending hell butterflies drifting away in small ripples.

Mayuri had a brain flash.

"Of course! No one will ever suspect me of this plan! They can't prove I did it! It's genius! Nemu!"

"Hai, Mayuri-sama?"

"The poison I created today- hand it to me! We have a new test subject!"

"Brilliant, Mayuri-sama," replied Nemu as she handed to him a small vial.

Cackling, Mayuri poured the liquid on the ground by the training grounds.

"We don't know the side effects, but I'm sure we'll have spectacular results!"

"Mayuri-sama, if the Stealth Force-"

"Shut up, Nemu!"

An acrid smell turned up from where Mayuri had poured the poison, and he rubbed his hands excitedly as a hell butterfly drifted near the spot.

"It's changing!" said Mayuri excitedly. "Let's watch for awhile, Nemu! We can collect data!"

"Hai, Mayuri-sama."

"Hm...I smell...something weird." Hanatarou sniffed the air, puzzled, pausing his training. "Taichou?"

He suddenly saw all the hell butterflies shoot away as a black cloud, aiming towards a section of the grounds. Hanatarou chased after them, flash stepping. Butterfly chasing did seem to help some what.

"Huh? Why are all the hell butterflies grouping here?" Hanatarou squinted, but he couldn't tell what was going on because of the thick swarm of flapping wings.

"Well, whatever it is...since they're so distracted...maybe I can grab a lot of them," said Hanatarou, though he was wondering why they were so interested in that section.

He reached out a hand, trying to remember what Soifon had said. His hand shot out.

And he screamed.

"HIYEEE!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HELL BUTTERFLIES?!?!?!?!" he yelled, retracting his hand hastily.

The butterflies had grown teeth and Hanatarou backed off. What was going on?

"Someone help meeee!!!" Hanatarou screamed as the butterflies grew a great deal larger, and it became a black swarm of ominously flapping wings that filled the training grounds. Soifon had erected a simple barrier to prevent any butterflies from escaping during Hanatarou's training, and Hanatarou screamed as he became the one being chased by black winged butterflies that had begun to drool.

"I-I-I-I'M NOT TASTY!!! DON'T EAT MEE!!!!!" Hanatarou shrieked again as he shunpoed off. The butterfly swarm seemed to change shape, until when Hanatarou had dared to look behind him, the hell butterfly swarm had taken the shape of a gigantic, larger butterfly that floated off in surprising synchronation. It was much faster, and Hanatarou yelled, running around from the crazed butterflies.

"TAICHOU!!!!"

Hanatarou frantically looked for Hisagomaru, but he realized that he hadn't brought it along for the training.

"NOOO!!!!! I MUST FIND THE ENERGY PILLS!!" Hanatarou screamed and grabbed a few of them in his pouch, popping them in his mouth.

"Yes! I can do this! I am now full of energy!!" Then he screamed, loosing his balance and flash stepping into a tree. The giant butterfly shaped swarm floated to him.

Hanatarou, watched, scared as the swarm's shape changed again.

"I-I'M NOT AFRAID OF BUTTERFLIES!"

"Hmm...Nemu, did you get any data before we poured it?"

"We discovered that whoever is infected by the poison will be able to see people's worst fears and they can monopolize that and use it for their advantage." stated Nemu monotonously.

"Excellent! How will these hell butterflies do that?!"

"HIYEEEEEE!!!!" Hanatarou shrieked as the swarm changed shape into...Kenpachi Zaraki. Of course, a black butterfly horde made into a shape of Kenpachi Zaraki (you couldn't see the eyepatch because it was already black, but the smart butterflies had organized themselves so there was a gap for Kenpachi's typical maniacal grin, shown by some of the hell butterflies baring their fangs.

Though the butterfly swarm Kenpachi couldn't talk, its leering grin nonetheless shocked Hanatarou, feeling about the same equivalent as if the real one was already in a battle to the death with him and laughing.

"Hiyyeeee!!! SOIFON-TAICHOU, HELP!!"

Hanataro's voice echoed throughout the barracks, and sounded rather irritating to Soifon.

She walked toward the sound, not bothering to rush things.

"Hm, probably got stuck in a tree...again." Soifon scoffed.

"HIYYYYEEEEEE!!!!" Soifon raised an eyebrow as Hanataro ran across the field flapping his arms and blubbering like a cockatoo.

Scowling, Soifon snapped, "YAMADA!!! Do you realize that YOU are suppose to be chasing the butterflies? NOT the other way arou....what the hell is that?"

Soifon gawked at the huge mob of hell butterflies that resembled Zaraki for some particular reason, "...that's not a tree..."

"SOIFON-TAICHOU!!! HELP!!!" Hanatarou screamed and ran around in circles

Soifon smiled as a brilliant idea popped in her head, "Yamada! Catch!"

She reached into her cloak and fumbled around until she found it. Boy, was she glad she didn't have time to return it earlier.

Hanatarou squealed and caught a strange looking device. He almost broke into tears at the thought of his captain actually trying to help save him. He shouted joyfully, "THANK YOU TAICHOU!!! It's...a..." Hanatarou suddenly recognized the object and paled... "It's....a..."

"12th division device that allows hell butterflies to track certain targets quickly and more efficiently."

"..."

Soifon-taichou eagerly trying to get him out of a fix...too good to be true....

"EEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

**Author's Note: Hey! Sorry for the late update...again. :P **

**Hope you enjoyed and please review!**


	11. Slapped by a Black Cat

Chapter 11: Slapped by a Black Cat

Screaming desperately, Hanatarou shunpoed away from the maniacal Kenpachi.

"S-S-Soifon-taichou...WHY?" he shrieked, dashing away. Soifon had locked the compound from the outside, and there was no way he could escape. He didn't have any weapons on him either, and he fled from the butterfly Kenpachi.

Now he knew for sure Soifon should be feared.

Almost reacting immediately to his thought, the butterfly horde shifted shape.

The new shape made Hanatarou feel pretty sick.

Butterfly Soifon leered at him nastily.

Soifon was watch from outside. She twitched.

"Why the heck did it shift from Kenpachi to me?" she muttered. "And I think the butterflies got my head shape wrong..."She shrugged. None of her business. Hantarou was still clutching the butterfly device in pure terror. Fool.

_Well, at least he is progressing somewhat with his flash step and speed_, thought Soifon tiredly. I'm going to get something to eat. _I'm pretty sure hell butterflies don't eat people._ Of course, that was what she thought. And she was right. Hell butterflies don't eat people. Unless they're infected by poison.

Smirking, Butterfly Soifon advanced terrifying closer to Hanatarou. Hanatarou shrieked. Why did it change from Zaraki to Soifon? Either way, he was going to suffer. Butterfly Soifon raised her hand. The butterflies arranged themselves to form something weird looking, but did look familiar to Hanatarou. He was surprised the butterflies could pull it off. But anyone would be creeped out to see Butterfly Soifon with a Butterfly Suzumebachi. Hanatarou glanced down hastily. Funny, why was he even bothering to clutch the tracking device? Hanatarou hurled it to the far end of the compound. Butterfly Soifon spun around to walk (or maybe flutter) to the device, where she huddled around it.

Hanatarou drew breath, gasping for air. Really, this was too much. At least he'd bought some time by throwing away the tracker.

Grabbing the crate, he carried it over to Butterfly Soifon, and slammed it down on top. He missed the butterflies forming her knees downwards, but thankfully the majority of them stayed locked in the crate, though they were thrashing about wildly within. Hanatarou stuttered and backed off from the few angry butterflies that had escaped.

"L-Let's not do anything too hasty..." Hanatarou's eyes darted to the crate. His eyes widened when he saw some of the butterflies chewing through the crate.

"SOIFON-TAICHOU! LET ME OUT NOW! I'M GOING TO DIE!"

Outside the training grounds, Mayuri cackled as Nemu recorded notes.

"Pah, the stupid fool! That crate won't stop the butterflies!"

Hanatarou ran and flash stepped at the barrier. "SOIFON-TAICHOU! LET ME OUT! PLEASE-eep!"

Soifon had only erected a simple barrier, an easy one to break since she had assumed butterflies wouldn't be able to break through. However, Hanatarou had bashed it enough times for it to shatter, and the barrier broke. Of course, Hanatarou was free, but so were the butterflies. Butterfly Soifon leered at Hanatarou again, and raised suzumebachi. Hanatarou spun on his heel and took off through the Seireitei, butterflies in hot pursuit.

* * *

Kiyone happened to be crossing by the Second Division's training grounds to deliver some paperwork to the Tenth division when she spotted a screaming Hanatarou, flash stepping straight at her.

"Eek!" she shrieked as he bowled into her, and she dropped the paperwork.

"S-sorry!" whimpered Hanatarou.

"Hanatarou, what are you...do..ing..." Kiyone was cut off as she spotted Butterfly Soifon walking towards Hanatarou. Bad flashbacks of when Soifon had erm...stepped on her returned, and she turned pale.

"R-r-run!" shrieked Hanatarou.

And so the two of them sprinted off.

"Oi, stupid! Where are you going?" yelled Sentarou, anger marks throbbing in his forehead as he watched Kiyone dash away. "Our captain still needs paperwork done!"

"Help me!" squealed Kiyone, latching onto Sentarou, almost strangling him. "Crazy butterflies!"

"Gack-are you kidding me! What- Ack- makes you think I'm going to believe you! I-I don't have time for games!"

"It's true!" shouted Hanatarou, racing towards them.

Sentarou glanced at him doubtfully, but then a realization popped into his mind.

"Are you crazy Kiyone! What are you doing standing around? Ukitake-taichou could be in danger!"

At the mention of her captain's name Kiyone snapped out of her fear.

"You're right! I must protect the captain!"

"What do you mean, 'I'? It's obviously me!"

"No, you're too weak!"

"Who're you calling weak, you little..."

Hanatarou shot away as a black swarm of butterflies changed shape and headed towards the arguing duo. Too late, Sentarou and Kiyone turned around before being met with their darkest fear.

"Oh my god!" screeched Kiyone.

"Captain Ukitake!"

"He's deadddd!" wailed Kiyone, bawling at the 'dead' butterfly Ukitake.

"We need to prepare a funeral!"

"I'll get the incense!"

"I'll take care of the body!" Sentarou ran towards butterfly Ukitake, and screamed when the cannibal butterflies engulfed him.

"...I'm glad I called for the incense."

* * *

News had finally spread throughout Seireitei that there was a mob of 'boggart butterflies' swarming throughout.

Yumichika had run away screaming as he saw an odd doppelganger of him with an afro leering at him with a nasty grin, while Renji had...seen something that no one could really describe and had passed out afterwords. Byakuya had been called in but had blatantly refused after seeing a butterfly black cat which only Soifon had recognized and had quickly left. Soifon was less than displeased to hear about the chaos, and had immediately returned to find the barrier broken and Hanatarou gone.

Groaning, she slapped her palm to her forehead as chaos reigned in the background.

"Some of the Thirteenth Division have been...traumatized after encountering the butterflies. Be careful!"

"Kiyone and Sentarou...what the heck happened to them?"

"...you don't wanna know."

"Hey, where did the butterflies come from in the first place?"

"I heard it came from the second division."

"Really? Did the Secret Mobile Corps investigate?"

"Well Obviously! They still haven't found anything yet...though Mayuri was seen around the area."

"Ugh, it was probably him...crazy captain."

Twitching, Soifon made a mental note to make sure Mayuri never went around her training grounds.

"Hello Soifon!"

Soifon blushed brightly.

That voice...

"Y-Y-Yoruichi-sama!" she gasped, spinning around.

"Hello, Soifon," smirked Yoruichi. Butterfly Yoruichi. Who knew that butterflies could talk _and_ eat people?

Soifon's bright blush automatically disappeared.

"Humph, they said that you would appear as people's worst nightmare...how idiotic...how dare you take the form of Yoruichi-sama!" Butterfly Yoruichi suddenly appeared in front of Soifon.

The sound of a stinging slap echoed in the air.

Soifon's eyes widened as a red hand print appeared on her face.

"Yor...Yoruichi-sama..."

Butterfly Yoruichi smirked at her. "Now isn't that your worst nightmare?"

"Noooo! Y-Y-Yoruichi-sama...how...how could you?"

"Hmph. I never cared about you, Soifon. You're weak. How could you ever compare to me?" sneered Butterfly Yoruichi.

"S-shut up!"

"Hmph, you really are worthless...did you think you're even fit to be the follower of Goddess of Flash Yoruichi? How pathetic. I'm disappointed in you, Soifon!"

"That's enough!" Suddenly Hanatarou leaped in to defend his taichou. Soifon's eyes widened. That brat actually had the guts to do that? Unfortunately, instantly butterfly Yoruichi changed back into butterfly Soifon, and easily evaded Hanatarou's dive.

"Keh, you worthless scum! You're an insult to the Stealth Force!" shrieked Butterfly Soifon, not at all in character. "Why, you stain the name of the Secret Mobile Corps! You disgrace! Go back to where you came from, fourth squad member!"

Hanatarou cowered, but his desperate act to defend his captain worked. Hurling insults at Hanatarou, the butterfly Soifon was distracted from the real Soifon.

"Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi!"

Soifon flash stepped behind her doppelganger, but the fake Soifon was too quick. She evaded Suzumebachi, cackling.

"Fool! You're too slow compared to me!"

And Butterfly Soifon vanished.

"Oi. Get up."

Hanatarou whimpered, curled up in a ball.

"I-I'm sorry Taichou, I really am worthless..."

Soifon massaged her temples, but glared coldly at him.

"Who do you think you are, Yamada? You don't waste time crying in a corner about how weak you are."

Hanatarou sniffled, but looked up. Soifon continued.

"What is the point of bawling your brains out about how pathetic you are? There is none. You only make yourself more worthless by moping instead of training to become stronger. Yamada, you've been working hard. But the work you do is nothing compared to what the Secret Mobile Corps do on a daily basis. You are weak, Yamada. But stand up on your own two feet. Fight. You're naïve. Jumping out right at the enemy with no plan. A real assassin would have waited for the right time to strike, analyzing their movements. Fight your hardest. Who are you, Yamada?"

"I...I...I'm-"

"Don't stutter. Who are you?"

"I...I'm the Second Squad's lieutenant..."

"Say it. Say it loud and proud, Yamada."

"I'm the Second Squad's lieutenant!"

"Then live up to that title. And don't get in my way. Don't depend on others. You're not a little kid anymore, Yamada. Fight to prove that you're worthy of being my lieutenant. The moment you joined my division, you follow my orders to the letter. If I tell you to stand there and fight, you stand there and fight. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"I didn't hear you," said Soifon coldly.

"Yes!"

"Good. Then track down that butterfly imposter, and report back to me once you've found it...lieutenant."

"Hai, Taichou!"

"One more thing, if you get in my way, I'll kill you."

"Hai, Taichou!" And Hanatarou disappeared with flash step.

Soifon watched as gradually his reiatsu grew further and further away.

"Hmph, I never knew pep talks were so useful," she muttered to herself.

* * *

Ukitake groaned wearily as he stared at his ink-stained hair in the mirror. Kiyone and Sentarou had gotten into a fight earlier, and accidentally spilled a large quantity of ink over him, promptly starting another argument over who would wash his haori before ripping it off him to sprint to the laundromat. So now Ukitake was unrecognizable with long black hair and a normal shinigami uniform. Unfortunately being informed by a rather disturbed shinigami that there yet another ruckus had sprung up, he knew that it was part of his duty to quell the fighting, regardless that no one recognized him.

He flash stepped over to where some poor shinigami had his hair ripped out, leaving him with a bald spot with red teeth mark and unconscious. Ukitake winced. Whatever had happened had left the hell butterflies in disorder, and the message was garbled.

Suddenly a figure ran out suddenly, and Ukitake recognized the figure as Hanatarou.

"Hey, Hana-"

"Soifon-taichou! I've found the butterfly imposter!" yelled Hanatarou, running towards Ukitake.

Ukitake's eyes widened. Wait, what? Was Hanatarou pointing at him? He turned around to check that there wasn't something behind him.

"Hmph! Don't be distracted during a fight!"

Ukitake whirled around, and saw flashes of light shooting straight at him, as the Stealth Force's captain hurled kunai at him.

Soifon landed catlike in front of the butterfly impostor trapped to the building by her kunai who was currently waving his arms about and yelling. And squinted.

"Good job, taichou!" yelled Hantarou happily.

"Wait a second, you ninny, this idiot isn't made of butterflies."

"But who else can he be?" asked Hantarou. "I've never seen this guy around Seireitei!"

"You're wrong!" yelled Ukitake, cursing that today of all days was when he unfortunately had ink spilled all over him. "I'm Captain Ukitake!"

"B-But Captain Ukitake has white hair! And you're not wearing a Captain's cloak!"

"Hmph, even if he's not a butterfly impostor, he may be the one who started this mess," replied Soifon, ignoring Ukitake's pleas, "we'll take him to see the Head Captain."

* * *

Isane was minding her own business, although she was alarmed at the thought of cannibal butterflies (apparently they had chewed up several shinigami) and was trapped in her own visions of crazy hell butterflies attempting to eat shinigami when silently the black butterflies loomed behind her, prepared to take shape of her darkest nightmare.

Except they had a little problem.

_Fish Paste?_

As idiotic as that sounded, the hell butterflies didn't know how to impersonate _fish paste._ As it was, the hell butterflies, turned on each other, aruging (or rather fighting and biting) each other, debating what was the best approach to scare the daylights out of the lieutenant by potraying fish paste.

Isane heard the gnashing of butterfly teeth and frantic flapping of wings, and spun around before being met with the ghastly sight of crazy hell butterflies fighting among one another.

"I-I thought butterflies were supposed to be gentle," she whimpered, before speeding away to contact her captain.

* * *

**AN: OMG soooo sorry. T.T**

**We try to update as fast as possible but obviously we're not doing so good with that _**

**hope u guys didnt lose any interest though**

**anyways, hope you enjoyed and please review!**


	12. Life Just Isn't Fair

"U-Unohana-taichou!" shrieked Isane, temporarily forgetting all decorum as she rushed up to her captain breathlessly.

"Did you find anything out about the butterflies?"

"Hai! They're over there!" pointed Isane in the direction where she had shunpoed from.

"Arigatou. Does anyone require medical assistance?"

"Erm...not over there I don't think..." muttered Isane hesitantly. As if she could remember when fleeing cannibal butterflies.

"Then alert the other squads immediately. I will go and erect a barrier around the butterflies."

"Hai, taichou!"

They shunpoed off.

* * *

Head Captain Yamamoto stared at the odd scene. The admittedly weak child, no, lieutenant, alongside Soifon was dragging along what was obviously a black haired Ukitake.

"...what is going on here? Explain, Captain Soifon!"

Soifon bowed slightly.

"Head Captain, we found this suspect near the butterflies. We believe he may be related to this incident. This suspect claims he is Captain Ukitake."

"I _am_ Ukitake! Head Captain, don't you recognize me? Better yet, call Shunsui!"

"Yo! Someone say my name?" Kyoraku burst through the doors.

The head captain winced at the lack of propriety, but before he could remark on that, he saw the sake jug swinging in Kyoraku's hand.

Ukitake's mouth was open in horror. "Shunsui! It's too early in the afternoon to be drin-"

Kyoraku interrupted, peering closely at Ukitake. "Hm? Who's this person, Yama-jii?"

Ukitake mentally cursed his old childhood friend.

"See? It's obviously an imposter if Captain Kyoraku can't recognize him." said Soifon coldly.

"He's obviously drunk!" protested Ukitake

"Are you all trying to deceive my eyes? It's obviously Ukitake!" snapped Yamamoto. "What do you take me for, a blind old man?"

"Well, you are an old man, Yama-jii," said Kyoraku, swaying slightly.

Yamamoto made a mental note to ban sake drinking in the mornings and afternoons for all captains.

"That is unrelated to what we are discussing now!" he snapped, unable to find a suitable retort, and also deciding not to waste time on reprimanding a drunkard. "you-" he pointed to Hanatarou, "will escort this drunkard to his quarters! And you," he pointed to Soifon, "will work with Ukitake to capture the uncontrolled butterfly infestation!"

"Do we kill the hell butterflies?" asked Ukitake, relieved to be let off the hook.

"If you must resort to that, yes. But surely the captains can handle _butterflies,_" replied Yamamoto with more calm than he felt.

_Honestly, they're more immature than I thought._

"As you command, Head Captain."

"Head Captain!" Isane burst through the double doors. "I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion, but the uncontrolled hell butterflies have been located! Captain Unohana is currently securing a barrier around them!"

"There you have it. Captain Soifon and Ukitake, assist Unohana in regaining control of the butterflies. Lieutenant Isane, please lead them to the site."

"Hai!" They shunpoed off, leaving Hanatarou to drag a drunk Kyoraku to wherever the Captain slept.

* * *

"So, where are we going?" asked Kyoraku merrily, as Hanatarou struggled to maintain his balance with the captain slumped over his shoulder.

"Where...do you sleep?" asked Hanatarou breathlessly.

"Oh! Right over there!" Kyoraku pointed to the right.

"...but that's a wall!" wailed Hanatarou.

"Those are the eighth squad's quarters," said Kyoraku.

"..." Hanatarou knew his way around Seireitei, but he'd never been near the sleeping quarters of the captains. And the direction Kyoraku was pointing to was actually in the direction of the hospital.

"Ah! I'll take the sewers, and rejoin up with Soifon-taichou!" Hanatarou then proceeded to drag the blithe drunkard to the nearest entrance to the sewers. _Hopefully he won't fall into the sewage._

* * *

Soifon, Ukitake, and Isane landed next to Unohana.

"Ah, Ukitake-taichou, did something happen to you?" asked Unohana smiling. "I only recognized your reiatsu just now."

Ukitake sighed. "It's a long story."

"Well then, please feel free to dispose of the butterflies however you like," said Unohana cheerily. "Isane and I must attend to the victims of these butterflies."

With a nod from her, Unohana and her lieutenant shunpoed off.

"Great," grunted Soifon, as the butterflies thrashed around in the barrier. "What do we do now?"

"Well, it does seem that they are fighting amongst themselves...let's just sit and let them kill each other off."

"The Head Captain seems to believe that we should be able to recover cannibal butterflies without losing a single one."

"Well, if they kill each other off before that, it's not our problem right?"

"Hn. I have a score to settle with those butterflies. Ukitake-taichou, maintain the barrier for me. I'm going in."

"Wait!"

"I know how these butterflies work," said Soifon coolly. With that said, she broke the barrier, going in while Ukitake hastily muttered the same kido spell that Unohana had used.

"She's surprisingly impulsive," he muttered.

Well, any one would be if they had been slapped by butterflies.

When Soifon entered, the butterflies immediately stopped killing each other, and morphed into Yoruichi. Butterfly Yoruichi wore an evil grin.

"Well, hello there, Soifon!"

Soifon groaned inwardly. Although she did know that they changed into your worse nightmare, she wasn't really sure how to deal with butterflies, cannibal or not.

Butterflies were fragile. So easy to crush in the palm of your hand. Maybe she could catch them, but they'd bite her hand off. And they were already caught in a barrier, with her along them. She had felt that the Head Captain saying that it should be easy to stop the berserk butterflies from being crazy was a challenge to her Captain's status. But how did you stop berserk butterflies from being cannibalistic?

"Pft, I really am weak, unable to deal with butterflies when I ordered Yamada to catch the very ones I brought for him," she muttered, scowling.

She recalled the times when she had watched Yamada trip over himself, manage to grab one, and then carefully trying to put it in the box without hurting it, and then dusting his hands.

"_Stop wasting time trying to dust your hands of the powder from the wings," said Soifon boredly._

"_Ah, but Soifon-taichou! They're actually scales!"_

"_Scales?"_

"_Hai! From the wings! It can affect the way they fly if you accidentally touch the wings, so it's difficult! And the ones that you caught last time, they can't fly anymore, so I took them up to where they're being cared for."_

"_Hmph...butterflies really are fragile..." murmured Soifon. "to be rendered incapable with the slightest touch...they really are weak."_

Soifon snapped out of it as she dodged Yoruichi.

"Hn, so Yamada is useful for something after all."

_If I just touch their wings, I can cripple them right? _She smirked and pointed at the butterflies.

"Hakafuku," she said, using a spell that would knock them all out so she'd be free to touch their wings without them trying to eat her.

_Well, if they're all clustered into one person, it should be fine, right? _Even as she thought that, she could see that the butterflies lost Yoruichi's shape and passed out in tiny heaps. _What, not even a fight? I don't even need to cripple their wings if they're passed out._

"Soifon-taichou! Are they dead?" called Ukitake from outside the barrier.

"Hn, we should have left them to kill each other," replied Soifon loftily. "They're only unconscious."

"Good job!"

"Soifon-taichou!" she blinked as the sewer cap from inside the barrier opened up. Hanatarou appeared, along with a certain sewer stench. "Kyoraku-taichou kept falling into the sewage! I'm sorry I'm late! Where are the...oh."

"I took care of them," replied Soifon coolly. "You get to fill out the paperwork about this while Ukitake gets to clean up around here."

"Wait, what!" called Ukitake as the barrier dissipated. Soifon swiveled her head to glare at him.

"Ukitake-taichou, what did you do during this mission?"

"um..." well, he admitted that re-erecting a barrier wasn't exactly a major job, but neither was casting just a simple binding spell!

"That's what I thought." Soifon marched coolly out. "I will now alert the Head Captain."

Captain Ukitake and Hanatarou sighed. _This is so not fair._

* * *

"Yamada." Soifon swiveled around to look at him seriously.

"...what?" he squeaked.

"We have a new mission."

"Really?"

"Your skills don't even meet the requirements to go on this mission," she said bluntly, "however, since it was assigned directly to the Second Squad, I have no choice but to take you."

"...sorry."

It was night time in the Seireitei, and Yamada was still taking a beating from the paperwork. But Soifon was unusually serious this time, and he felt a sense of foreboding.

"What's the mission taichou?"

"We will be meeting up with a few others. I will have some Omnitsukido members with me, but they'll only be waiting in the wings, and god knows what's going to happen to them."

"Who else is going?"

"The substitute shinigami, which means presumably he'll be dragging along that other girl from the thirteenth division, and Abarai-fukutaichou. I personally believe that that is too many to go on a stealth mission, especially for those who have no stealth whatsoever," she sneered. "but things may go horribly wrong any way, scratch that, they always do, so it's good to have some fighting power where we're going. I do know for a fact that Yoruichi-sama will also be going."

"Erm...where are we going?"

"To Hueco Mundo. Our goal is collect information about Aizen's numbers before the Winter War...and most importantly, discover the Hogyoku's weakness, in the small chance that it has one." She cast a disdainful eye on Yamada. "You think you're up to the task?"

"Yes!"

No hesitation for once, Soifon noted.

"Good. We'll be meeting up with them soon. Get some rest. Tomorrow we'll have a last round of training before we head off."

"Er...taichou...does it...involve butterflies?"

"We'll postpone that for awhile," she muttered. She had enough of butterflies to last her a lifetime. Not to mention that her Homonka already reminded her of it.

But for some reason, she could not shake off a feeling of uneasiness.

* * *

"_Haha! Fourth Squad Member! What the hell are you doing here? This place isn't for weak brats!" Hanatarou was kicked from behind by a laughing Twelfth Squad Member._

"_I-I'm just cleaning here!"_

"_Oh? Cleaning? Better do your job right then!" Laughing, the twelfth division all threw down some sort of trash onto the ground._

"_Ah, don't-ow!"_

"_Hmph, what the hell is a weakling like you doing as a shinigami! This isn't all fun and games you know!"_

"_G-Gomen! Please don't hurt me-"_

"_Psh! Get out of our sights!"_

"_Ahhh!" Hanatarou cowered as the shinigami converged on him and braced himself..._

"WAKE THE HELL UP AND GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF, YAMADA!"

Hanatarou abruptly woke up to a rough yank to the scruff of his nightshirt before being shaken roughly. His eyes snapped open, to see a pissed off Soifon.

"S-S-Soifon-taichou!"

"It's three o'clock in the night! What the hell were you dreaming about to be shrieking at the top of your lungs?"

"G-Gomen...ow!" He was indecorously dropped back onto the bed. He could see the position they were in now. Soifon was squatting in an rather uncaptainlike manner on the bed where she had shaken him awake.

"Well? Explain yourself! You sounded like you were dying! You practically had me worried!" spat Soifon viciously.

"You were worried?" Hanatarou sat up abruptly. Well. That was a certain change of how he thought his captain viewed him.

"That's not the point!" snapped Soifon irately, rubbing her eyes.

"Uwah, it was a scary dream!"

"Considering you were wailing, 'please don't hurt me' and crap like that, tell me something I didn't know," grunted Soifon.

"I...erm...well.."

"Spit it out."

"Well...it's just reoccurring nightmares...it's fine, seriously!"

"About what?" scowled Soifon.

"Ahh..." he sank lower into the bed, embarrassed.

"Yamada, I order you to tell me what your damn dream was about," said Soifon wearily. Normally she wouldn't use her captain status on such a petty thing, but it worked on Hanatarou well.

"Um...it's sort of old flashbacks...haha...since I used to be weak-"

"You mean you _are _weak," butted in Soifon, not really helping with the situation.

"Well, yes, but back then, I used to be bullied a lot by other shinigami..."

"You mean _are_,"

Hanatarou wailed. "I know! I'm weak! That's why I keep having these nightmares!"

Instantly he was picked up by the collar and shaken roughly.

"Are you an idiot? No, I already know the answer to that. That's all your damn dream was?" growled Soifon. "you are a _lieutenant_! My lieutenant! Now if you want to continue holding that position, I hope you pick up the pace and stop getting yourself bullied by weaklings! Yamada, you're going to have to do better as my lieutenant! Although we can still continue to attribute your many failings to inexperience, that can't last forever. You've been in the Stealth Force for long enough to know how it works. And yet you're still not stealthy. Come to think of it, you probably never will. But whatever the hell it is, we are going kick your damn cowardice in the ass, got that? And those dreams along with it too."

"H-h-hai!"

"Tch." Soifon dropped Hanatarou, turning around to begin muttering as she got off the bed from her squatting position. "I haven't spoken that much in ages...I never needed to use verbal attacks on that damn Omaeda either...getting me worked up for nothing that I even got on my Captain's cloak at three in the morning...when I should be sleeping...tch, I was even a tiny bit worried..."

"You really were?" asked Hantarou curiously.

"Who wouldn't be?" snapped Soifon. "Howling as if a Menos shot you with a cero in the ass multiple times..."

"Sorry..."

"A bit late for that." Soifon left the room.

Hanatarou sighed and slumped on the bed, worn out from being shaken without a care for his wellbeing.

But he felt happy that he had at least risen in his Captain's favor that he was at least important enough to be worried about.

* * *

**AN**: now that it's finally summer...we have finally updated after many pleas and requests. Although it's probably been at least half a year since the last update, thank you to all of those who reviewed and stayed with us. Seriously, it's what made me decide to type this chapter up even though I had writer's block instead of sleeping XD. I felt like I couldn't really go anywhere with this story (and I hate publishing anything with less than 5 pages unless it's a good chapter), so I stuck in the dream thing for lack of anything else LOL. I dunno if it'll become a pairing thing, but hey, like we said ages ago, it depends on how you look at it.

Yeah, this chappie wasn't really as funny as I wanted it to be for lack of ideas, but don't worry, it's setting up for the next big thing. :) I'll probably make some edits later to this.

Gah, RYOOO WHERE ARE YOU! IT'S SO BORING WITH YOU NOT HERE TO TALK TO. Ok, well I know you're busy helping at some camp thingy, but it's still boring. _


End file.
